Blessings 4 Life

We've been busy

2011-07-19T15:35:00.003-05:00

Wesley had a blast playing t-ball this summer......he is SO PROUD of his trophy!

Sweet brothers

Wesley has also become a pro at Mario Kart.....I love his little tongue hanging out

Precious home-made Father's Day cards

I couldn't resist.....potty training in full swing!

We have played outside every day......I just love my fun and active little boys......clothes are apparently optional at our house ;)

We LOVE on baby brother ALL day EVERY day......so precious!

This little guy is just growing like a weed!!

We have built many masterpieces with Tinker Toys

Beautiful baby

We have ALL been examined many times by Dr. Davis

Lots of playing and helping out with sweet Johnson

We had a great 4th at Papa and Mimi's house....lots of swimming and playing with cousins

My very brave children decided they were ready to jump off of the diving board......a big thanks to their sweet Daddy and Uncle Todd for catching them over and over and over.......

My sweet Daddy and three of his sweet grandsons!

I could just eat them up

He has NO FEAR!!!!

We have spent some time checking out Papa's amazing trains......my boys pretty much live in the train room at my parents, when they are not in the pool!

My sweet grandmother, holding Johnson......Johnson is my grandmother's last name

So blessed to be called mommy by these precious boys!

Hanging out at some of our best friends house for yummy food and fireworks!

Wesley is an awesome big brother

We wear helmets to push around wheel barrows....who knows??.......guess he was headed to some dangerous terrain ;)

We have played trains everywhere.....even built our own with chairs, golf clubs, and toy trains....and we have been on some very interesting adventures

We have all been soaking up this precious little boy.....he is such a snuggle bunny

We have taken lots of baths.......even some bigger boys have felt the need to crawl into the baby tub.......whatever works :)!

This little boy is 5 weeks old.....WHAT?!?!

We visited the zoo......and rode the train......Johnson did not think much of his first zoo trip.....he just slept the whole time!

I CAN NOT believe my sweet Wesley is riding his bike......he has mastered it, and it is the cutest thing ever......just makes me a little sad how quick he is growing!!!!

My three little loves......Praise God for sharing theses precious treasures with me!!!

Finally, some of our amazing friends hosted a baby shower for sweet Johnson! We are so blessed with such sweet friends and family that came to celebrate the blessing of Johnson joining our family. It was a great day!!

We have been BUSY, but we have LOVED every second of it!!!

Just a Few of my Favorites

2011-06-30T14:17:00.002-05:00

Introducing Blessing #4

2011-06-28T08:35:00.007-05:00

We are overjoyed to introduce Johnson Jude, born 6/10/2011, a perfectly healthy 8 pound 8 ounce, 21 inch baby boy! He is a precious addition to our family, and we feel incredibly blessed to be chosen as his parents. His birth-parents are amazing and have given us one of the greatest gifts in our lives. Words can never express our gratitude and thankfulness for their amazing sacrifice of love for this precious baby boy."Now faith is assurance of things hoped for, proof of things not seen". Hebrews 11:1

Our wonderful birth-mom allowed me to be in the delivery room, and to cut sweet Johnson's cord. What a precious gift, to watch our third son take his first breath!! Rhett and I spent 48 hours in the hospital with Johnson, just snuggling and cuddling him, and whispering many prayers of thanksgiving! We were so excited to bring him home, and introduce him to his big brothers!! Wesley and Davis absolutely LOVE him, and just cant' get enough of him. They are the best big brothers!!
This little boy wants to hold "my baby" ALL of the time.....so sweet:)!!
Wesley is awesome with him, and knows just what to do!!
Rhett and I are extremely grateful for adoption and what it means to our family. We are thankful for every path God has led us down, because without each struggle and trial, we would not have these three precious boys. As hard as some days have been in the past, we know this is the plan God has for us, and we happily embrace it and praise HIM for each blessing in our lives.

"He is your praise, He is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wonders you saw with your own eyes". Deuteronomy 10:21

A FUN Week!

2011-04-04T07:45:00.005-05:00

We had a lot of fun this past week!! We were all so happy to have Rhett home, and we greatly enjoyed our weekend together! After him being gone for a week to Peru, home for a few days, and then gone last weekend to Atlanta, we were all beyond glad for him to be home!! I am so thankful he does not ever have to travel overnight, or be gone from home a lot!

We headed to the Botanic Gardens for a fun Friday afternoon! It was amazing weather, and we literally had the entire kids area to ourselves! Our sweet boys had so much fun playing on all of the really great stuff they have for little ones. Rhett and I enjoyed watching them play and run, and I especially enjoyed the sweet time with my precious family. We finished the day with a super yummy supper at Corky's BBQ, and topped it off with frozen yogurt! I just love the fun days we have together, and try and soak up every second of it! I know it is going to fly by so fast. I am very thankful that when our boys are older, we will have TONS of pictures and video to remember these sweet times with!

We have also had a few rainy days around here lately! Being cooped in the house can ware on two very active little boys and their mama!! One day last week, after about 3 straight days of rain, the sun came out! So, what was this mama to do? Dress my adorable sweeties in their rain gear, with warm layers underneath (it was chilly), and head outside for lots of puddle jumping! It was so much fun to watch them just being boys! Wesley as no fear, and could not jump high enough or get wet/dirty enough! Davis was not far behind him, and he learned a lot of "cool tricks" from his big brother! I praise God daily for theses two precious gifts, and for blessing Rhett and me with them, and trusting us to raise them! What a blessing these two are!!

It's Been A While

2011-03-26T08:49:00.008-05:00

It has been a while since I have updated our blog! We have been really busy, and have actually

not been at home a lot lately!

My first update is a PRAYER REQUEST! Rhett, Wesley, Davis and I have been blessed so much

in our adoption journey. We have been matched with an amazing birth-mom for about three

months. We are so thankful for her and the difficult decisions she is making for her precious

baby. We are expecting our third BOY in June! We could not be happier and more excited to welcome another sweet little boy into our family. I am not going to share details about our situation right now, but when the time comes, we have an AWESOME story full of wonderful details that our God is revealing every day. There is no way to hear this adoption story, and not see God's hand and his miracles all over it!! I can't wait to share the details! We just ask that you pray specifically for our birth-m0m. While we have never placed a baby for adoption, we have left the hospital with empty arms, so we fully understand the difficult times that await her. Pray for her strength, health, courage and peace. We know that a lot can happen between now and June, and that nothing is "for sure", but we are so excited to watch God's wonderful plan for our family continue to unfold.

Secondly, I am so thankful and well, just proud of my sweet husband! Just last week, he and 34 other church members, flew out of Memphis, headed to Peru, for a 6 day medical/dental/Bible club mission trip. They were selfless and left their families/jobs/comforts of home to go and share God's love and provide much needed assistance to sweet men, women and children in Peru. I will admit that I was a little nervous about parts of the trip, but when the time came, God answered my prayers. He provided safety, health, and many blessings for the team....as well as for the family's at home. Rhett said he absolutely loved the experience, and he is so grateful for the opportunity to share dentistry, and Christ's love, with the wonderful people of Peru. I think they were able to see somewhere around 800 people in just 3 days of clinic.....amazing! I have enjoyed hearing about their experiences and how God worked not just in the precious people of Peru, but also in the precious people from Mississippi!

The boys and I spent most of the week with my parents, and as always, had a great time! We were so thankful and excited to see Rhett coming through the gates at the airport. Wesley and Davis made signs for him, and could not get to him fast enough! One thing we did for Rhett before he left, was the boys each drew six pictures, and I wrote six notes, and we put them in an envelope for him to open every day. Rhett said those pictures and notes just made his day:)! Thank you to all of our sweet friends and family that prayed for the trip, and called to check on all of us!

Rhett on one of the mountains
Oh my......she is precious
Sweet boys and girls waiting in line
This was the "bathroom" for the men on the trip--the sweet people at this church did everything they could to make the "Americans" comfortable--Rhett said it was just so humbling at what little they had and didn't care, but they worked so hard to make them feel as comfortable as possible.
Beautiful Peru

Some of Rhett's sweet little patients

Hard at work

Rhett and I both have been on a mission trip, and we look forward to going on more in the future. We also look forward to the day we can include our sweet boys in a mission trip as well....maybe even to Guatemala!!

One Year

2011-02-11T06:45:00.000-06:00

At 7:50 AM, exactly one short year ago today, the most precious and sweetest baby girl entered this world. My amazing and beautiful little girl, Caroline Elizabeth, 3 pounds 12 ounces, 16 1/2 inches long, came into this world and changed our lives forever. I will never forget the feeling of holding her tiny warm body, and kissing her sweet little head. Watching my amazing husband marvel at our baby girl and cradle her with love will forever be etched in my memory. Many prayers were lifted by family and friends, many tears were shed, countless hugs were given, and new relationships were formed. Rhett and I had one hour to enjoy our precious little angel on this earth, until she was welcomed into the most beautiful home and life I could ever imagine for her. Caroline Elizabeth went to Heaven @ 8:50 AM, one year ago today. I can't tell you how many people have been affected by our sweet girl, and her brief life. There will never be a day that I don't think of her or miss her, but Rhett and I are so thankful that our little girl is enjoying a lifetime of happiness in Heaven, that she will never have to suffer in this world. In her brief life, Caroline gave us so much, and she taught us more than we could have ever imagined! She was ABSOLUTELY worth it!

A few months after Caroline was born, we were asked to speak in our church.....to give our testimony in our Spring Musical. I will tell you that was a very difficult time, but we were so thankful for the opportunity to share part of our story about Caroline. My amazing husband wrote these precious words, and stood before a very large crowd and shared our hearts. I stood beside him and sobbed the whole time. Here is what he wrote:

" In July of last year (2009) we found out we were expecting our third child. We already had 2 precious boys, and were really excited about having a girl this time! During a routine ultrasound around 5 months, our lives suddenly changed forever. Our world was turned upside down as we were told that our precious baby girl had a condition "incompatible with life". Doctors couldn't tell us if or how long she might live. They offered termination of pregnancy. We knew that was not an option for us, and we were determined to give her a chance at life, even if it was a short time. It's really hard to go through a pregnancy planing a funeral instead of a nursery. What would we tell people, how would we deal with this? The truth is, only God can get you through tough times like these. Our faith was truly tested during those months. We asked the questions: Why us?, Why now? But we learned not to question God, and to allow His perfect will in our lives. We don't know why this happened, but God has a plan for all things. We are better people and stronger Christians because of it. Caroline lived exactly one hour, and her precious life and story have impacted countless others. This was truly a storm in our lives. Fortunately for us, God provided comfort, peace and hope throughout".

Happy First Birthday Caroline!! We love and miss you so much! We all look forward to seeing your precious face in Heaven one day!!!

Sweet Brothers

2011-01-25T08:58:00.000-06:00

Wesley literally rocked Davis to sleep, and I walked in to see him kissing his baby brother......pretty sure this mommy was teary eyed :)!!

We are so very blessed to be parents to these two precious boys! They are so sweet and loving and are BEST friends!! We have always prayed that they would be close buddies and they are.....such a blessing:)!!

We have also been praying a lot for the adoption of their little brother or sister. We have recently had some very exciting news in our adoption journey!! Hopefully over the next few weeks, we will be able to share more of the details! We would love for you to pray for this situation and all parties involved. God has an amazing plan for our family, and it is wonderful to see it unfold!

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life"

Proverbs 13:12

SNOW 2011

2011-01-15T09:53:00.000-06:00

We had about 5 inches of snow at our house last weekend!! For the south, that is huge!! We had so much fun playing in it! I made many cups of hot chocolate to warm us up, and washed several loads of "snow" clothes, but it was all worth it to see these sweet little faces sooo happy and excited!!

He thought jumping on the trampoline was going to be such a great idea.......he changed his mind quickly!
Who needs sand, when you have snow and a stick (Wesley has a love for sticks, and he always finds one, first thing when we head outside)??
These boys have my heart!!

Working on our snowman.....next time, we will wait until later in the day, b/c it was really hard to get the snow to stick (we are novice snowman builders :)!
My little snuggle bug
Our neighbors and best buddies, shared their sled with us. The boys LOVED it, but I must admit the ground was quite chilly;)!!
Poor Will was holding up the back......Wesley and Davis decided they would recline and enjoy the ride. That's a great friend!!
Wesley spent a lot of time just rolling in the snow.....he was soaking wet, but did not care one bit.

Precious brothers!
Laughing at Wesley rolling down our front yard
This sweet boy is amazing, and I thank God every day for the wonderful blessing of adoption.....we can not imagine our lives without this precious gift!!
Our snowman......complete with sunglasses

Christmas 2010

2011-01-13T13:28:00.001-06:00

We had a great Christmas at home this year! It was just so fun to do family traditions with our sweet boys, and see how excited they were. Our hearts are so full of joy with the blessing of all our children, and we are so thankful for the MANY ways God has blessed and continues to bless us!!

Cookies for Santa......I think Wesley was telling Davis he could NOT eat them.......for those of you who know sweet Davis.....the boy LOVES cookies :)!!
Reindeer Food.....had to make sure Santa could find us ;)
My favorite tradition.....reading the Christmas story on Christmas Eve

Every year, I make Monkey Bread for Christmas morning breakfast

Wesley can't wait to see what Santa brought......Davis is still not so sure!
Had to put a picture of our tree in here!
Santa Came!
They love this garage with all of the wooden cars/trucks
Wesley started asking for drums from Santa, back in the summer. I have to be honest, I secretly wished that he would change his mind, but he never once said anything different! Davis, not understanding Santa, always said he wanted drums too :).......so as you can see, that silly 'ol Saint Nick brought drums to our boys. They were very excited and have put on many lovely concerts for their mama.......music to my ears ;)!!

Wesley was most proud of a Cars movie he wanted! He hugged and kissed this crazy movie!No Christmas would be complete without a new Thomas track at our house! Rhett got this head lamp just to try it out for his trip to Peru, and as you can see, it was quickly put to good use by Davis. He said he needed extra light to make sure the track was put together correctly :)!
Working hard!
So happy about the new trains he wanted!
Davis loved ripping paper off this year......he would say..."Ooooooh, what iiiiiiiiis iiiiiiiit".....so sweet!
A jeep just like Daddy's!
Wesley really loves throwing the football with his Daddy, so he was very happy to have a new football.
The boys each got these cool new wheels from Santa!

Family Christmas 2010

2011-01-12T16:22:00.000-06:00

We had a great time celebrating Christmas this year with our families! The first celebration we had, was at Rhett's sister's house. We have our Christmas with his family the weekend before Christmas, and we rotate who hosts it every year, so next year it will be at our house again! Sadly, both of my camera batteries were very low, so I was not able to get as many pictures on this day, but there was lots of great food, laughter, and a good time was had by all. We really enjoy getting to visit with every one, and our boys have a great time playing with their cousins!!

Wesley is chasing Davis....trying to get his present back, that Davis claimed as his own :)
Davis running with his loot :)
Present time is always fun and WILD!! In a matter of about .02 seconds, there is paper and ribbon everywhere!! It drives me crazy.....but the kiddos love it!!
Rhett's sister, with her very sweet girls, opening their gifts
First attempt at a photo of all of the cousins
Cute Sam tearing into his gifts

Rhett's parents working on their pile of presents
I love this precious boy sooo much :)!!!
Rhett's sweet grandmothers
Attempt #2.....much better! These adorabe boys and girls are all so sweet, and play very well together. My boys talked about all of their cousins and how much fun they had with them. We look forward to visiting again soon!!
Mim's (Rhett's mom) made a strawberry cake......to say this sweet baby enjoyed it, would be an understatement!!!

We had Christmas with my family on the 23rd/24th, this year! As always, it was a blast, and we had so much fun visiting with every one. It is loud and crazy when we are all together :)! We all LOVE to visit my parents (Papa and Mimi), and I just love having all of my brothers, sisters in (love not law), and precious nephews and niece together! A few days before our get-together my oldest brother and his family spent two days at our house, and we enjoyed it so much. Their boys are older than ours, but they played so well together. It was a wonderful visit with my family, and we can't wait to get together again soon! Rhett and I have even been thinking about talking Santa into visiting there next year.....we will just have to wait and see what Santa decides :)!!

My beautiful boys, nephews, and one niece--sweet Lucas did not feel well :(....poor baby ended up having strep throat
No visit is complete without many trips upstairs to Papa's train room~Papa has done an amazing job building his train layout, and my boys LOVE it, but not as much as they love their Papa!!

Thanks so much Uncle Greg and Aunt Becky for the drum.......it is played every day!!
My sweet Daddy, and my oldest brother. Daddy found Scotty a super cool gift at a garage sale :0......$1 for this amazing golf tool?? It was hilarious!
Uncle Scotty and Davis on the tiny piano!
Uncle Todd and Wesley!
Oops, didn't mean to put this one on here twice (it was the by far the best gift of the night)!!
This one too......I can't delete them??
Best buddies!
Logan and Bailey after cookie decorating!
Sweet Maxwell having fun with icing
Lucas got creative with his too!
Sweet Logan giving Davis some advice on his decorating skills!
My amazing boys!
I love these guys so much!!
Little more help from Papa
We always decorated cookies growing up, and I have such great memories doing it with my brothers and parents. I am so happy and thankful that my mom continues this at her house for our children. They all look forward to it, and it is so much fun!

This picture is one of my favorites!! I just love all of the kiddos so much, and am so thankful for them! Reagan is the very handsome teenager in the top right corner (this is the only pic I got of him :(!! He will soon be 16.......hard to believe!!

Somehow, we managed to not have any pictures of Aunt Mignyon, Aunt Becky, Aunt Rhonda, and Uncle Greg! I am very sorry, and I promise to make up for it next time we are all together!! Wesley and Davis had so much fun playing the "wind" game with Uncle Greg!!
My sweet parents. They are the best parents, and we are so thankful for them! They love our boys so much, and our boys CAN NOT get enough of them!

The Table

2010-12-16T09:50:00.000-06:00

"Around the Christmas table

there's an empty chair this year....

The precious smile is missing

of someone we still hold dear.

And yet our hearts are hopeful,

though the season's bittersweet,

Because we know the one we love

has filled another seat.

For another banquet table

abounds with joy and love

For those who've made the journey

to be with our Lord above. "

This a sweet little poem the funeral home sent us......in a Christmas card......remembering our precious baby girl. The words are so very true! We would love to see her sweet precious little face smiling around our table, but we rejoice in the fact that our darling Caroline is seated at the greatest banquet table ever. We find peace in knowing that our tiny baby girl is being held and loved by our Savior, Jesus Christ. This Christmas, like all of the ones to come, is hard. But, thankfully, God has allowed me to see and focus on ALL of the many blessings we have. I have some very thoughtful and sweet friends, who have remembered us and our little princess this Christmas, and we will always treasure their thoughtful acts of kindness for our family. With sad, yet thankful hearts, we remember our baby Carloine, and with hope we look to the future.

A Few Photos

2010-12-10T09:27:00.001-06:00

Here are a few pics of my precious family! We are having a great (BUSY) December! It is so much fun to see Christmas through my children. Rhett and I are so thankful for them, and for the many chances we have to teach them the true meaning of Christmas. I am so very grateful for my sweet husband and how hard he works, and for the amazing Daddy he is! God has blessed us so much!!

"Re-purposing"

2010-12-06T16:12:00.001-06:00

He LOVES mommy's shoes!

Wesley thinks it is great to start at the top of our steep driveway and ride his dump truck all the way down........I think this time was a little fast :)!!

2010-11-21T14:30:00.000-06:00

These precious little boys (AKA Snoopy and Woodstock) bring us more joy and happiness than we could have ever imagined! They are wonderful little guys, and are both so kind and loving. They LOVE each other and are truly best buddies! I am so glad they have each other to grow up with and get in trouble with! They have stolen my heart, and I thank God for them every day!
The OLDEST Brother.......such a sweet heart, and our little helper. He is so smart and funny. He loves playing soccer and baseball, running, riding his bike, anything trains, and his baby brother!
The LITTLE (OLDER) Brother.....sweetest smile and the best belly laugh. He adores his big brother and does everything Wesley does! He loves playing outside running and jumping, trains, and anything with wheels!

No, typing OLDER brother for Davis was not a mistake! Sometime in the future (we prefer near rather than later), he will become a Big Brother again! He is already a big brother, but he will soon get to experience the joys of having a "younger" sibling living in our home!

Yes, we will hopefully soon be a family of FIVE (or SIX), and we CAN'T WAIT!!!!

And no, I am NOT pregnant this time! We could not be happier or more excited that God has chosen to grow our family again through adoption!! November is national adoption month, and as we have talked a lot about adoption this month, we have also been CRAZY busy getting things started for our new baby. I think it is pretty neat that we heard (well listened to) God leading us to adopt again during the one month of the year that adoption is recognized and given greater support! We are adopting domestically, and have no idea when or where our baby will be born! Once again, we are stepping out on faith, and we could not have a greater peace!

"And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me".

Matthew 18:5

With Thanksgiving just a few days away, we have been discussing all of the many things we have to be thankful for. I was sharing with our Sunday School class today, that as sad and hard as this year has been for us, I am still very thankful. There is never a day that goes by that I do not think about and terribly miss our precious baby girl. I get sad, I cry, I miss her. But, THANKFULLY, I serve a God that has provided so much grace, peace and unexplainable JOY over the last 9 months. Rhett and I have a wonderful marriage that has grown and deepened in ways we never imagined over the past year, 2 fabulous and healthy little boys, we have a great home, he has a wonderful job, I have the best job in the world :), we have loving supportive families, awesome friends, a fantastic church family, our health, and most importantly a loving and FORGIVING God! Instead of focusing on what we don't have, we are choosing to be thankful and THANK GOD for all he has so graciously blessed us with!

"You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever".

Psalm 30:11-12

So many people want to know how I do it? How do I make it through and "go on" with life. My answer is always the same.....I don't, HE does it for me. Alone, I could never make it without grief and sadness creeping in and eating away at me. Some days are much harder than others, and I do have BAD days.....days where my heart is literally breaking and all I can think about is the "what if's", and just what if I could hold her one more time. Because I am a Christian, and I have a personal relationship with Christ, HE carries me through those days, and I am so very thankful for that!! I can not imagine going through a trial or tragedy without God by my side. I pray for every one that is sad, missing some one, facing tough days..... that you can cling to God and his promises.....and experience His amazing love, grace, and peace.

"Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you".

1 Thessalonians 3:16

Happy Thanksgiving! Count your many blessings this week.......I promise if you think there are none, when you think about it, you will be able to name many!

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; his love endures forever"!

1 Chronicles 16:34

UPDATE!

2010-11-17T23:18:00.000-06:00

We have been crazy busy lately.....lots of changes at our house!

Our laptop CRASHED, and as we have been told has the "screen of death"....NOT good! So since our only computer has been our very OLD, SLOW, desktop.......catching up on our blog has not been one of my priorities! I will be sharing more about one of the main things that has been keeping me sooo busy, but not for a few more days:)! I know every one is dying to know what it is! Trust me it is good, and so worth the wait!! That being said, my sweet husband decided to replace our dead laptop and get us an early (ONLY) Christmas present, and purchased a MacBook Pro for me. I LOVE it!! I do not have any pictures on it yet, but will be posting some soon!

So, there is my (current) excuse for not posting on our blog in forever......I am going to try and do much better in the days to come!

This verse from the Bible has been a great source of encouragement, and God has definitely used it to speak to me lately!!, so I will close with it.....

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present you requests to God".

-Philippians 4:6

Well.......

2010-09-14T14:24:00.000-05:00

Well......I had almost decided to just quit blogging, since it has been such a long time since I have posted anything, and for the simple fact that I just can't seem to find the EXTRA time it takes to do this! But, I do know that we have some very sweet friends and family members that enjoy reading our blog, and seeing our boys, since we do not see them often! So, I decided I would give it one more try?!? I would love to "rewind" and post all about our summer, but that would literally take me months!! I take HUNDREDS of pictures each month, ( I am talking about 300-600), and that would just take me way to long to update with all of those! So, I am just gonna do a quick re-cap.

We had a GREAT summer! We have just enjoyed our sweet little boys so much. We played outside every chance we got (when we were not melting in the 100+) HEAT. My precious boys are little fish, and they LOVE the water. We spent several days at the Y pool, and countless hours in our little pool at home, as well as the sprinklers. It was a pretty common occurrence at our house this summer, to walk by and see our little ones streaking through the sprinklers! Whatever it takes to stay cool:)! They are little monkeys and love the trampoline too. It has been a great way to get that extra energy out! We also made a few trips to Papa and Mimi's, and they came to visit us several times. We LOVE it when Papa and Mimi are here....my boys just can't get enough of them. We even witnessed Papa and Mimi on the trampoline a few times:)! Davis is fascinated with my Dad's car (mini couper), and his boat! He talks about them all of the time! We had a ton of fun playing with all of our friends, and just enjoying no schedules or "places" to be! There is a picture below, documenting Wesley's horrible black eye. He had a little accident with his power wheel! Thankfully, he did not require stitches, and after about five minutes, he was VERY proud of his battle wound! Toward the end of the summer, Wesley also had to have his tonsils out. I will admit it was HORRIBLE! He was miserable, I was miserable, we were all MISERABLE for about 10 days, and then right before his bday, he made a complete recovery (PRAISE GOD)!!!! When we were explaining to him about having his tonsils removed, he said "Mommy, they are gonna put little ones back in, right?" What a sweet precious boy he is! Davis is literally talking in complete sentences, and we have conversations with him! He is not the typical one year old! He is afraid of nothing, and wants to try everything his big brother is doing! They are both just growing and changing so fast....bittersweet! I thank God every day for my precious little blessings, and for sharing them with us!

Wesley and Davis a truly best friends, and they play amazingly well together. I am so thankful for the sweet relationship they have! It is my daily prayer that their relationship will continue to strengthen and grow the older they get, and that they will always be close!

The black eye (busted eye)!

My little animal lover and our new kitten!

Riding Papa's boat

Complete?

2010-07-28T12:36:00.000-05:00

Let me first start by apologizing.......it has been such a long time since I have posted anything on here. I am not sure if there is even any one still reading our blog?? I have got to do better! I have probably close to 1,000 pictures on my camera that I must download and edit, and then post of my precious little boys! My intentions are to use this blog as a form of scrap booking, since I just can't seem to find the time to make actual scrapbook pages!! But today, I have another reason for posting.

Over the last five months there has been a tremendous amount of healing in my heart, since the birth/death of our sweet baby girl. Although the pain is better, I know it will never go away! It is a typical practice for us to go to the memorial park where Caroline is buried, every Sunday after lunch. We take the boys with us, and we talk about Caroline, that she is in Heaven with God and Jesus, we show them her grave, and then we blow kisses to her. It is such a rewarding time, while being so sad all at the same time. While our little guys were running around Sunday afternoon, I looked at my sweet husband, with tears in his eyes, and we talked about how much we miss our baby. I can't express to any one what it is like....we just wish we could hold her little body one more time, and whisper sweet I love yous to her. We know that she would never choose to come back to this earth if she could, but oh how we miss her! Each time we visit her grave, we straighten her flowers, dust off the tiny cherub, and admire the precious pink cross her Daddy made for her. I have to admit as I look around at the other graves, and the headstones, I am always a little jealous that our sweet baby's headstone is not in place. But, as strange as it is, sort of glad that it is not, because to me, when her headstone is finished and delivered, that is the true end to our journey. I just can't fathom what it is going to be like to see my precious baby's name on a headstone. We waited for almost 33 weeks to meet her, spent 17 weeks wondering how we would cope with not having her in our arms, and we have spent 20 weeks waiting on the news that her headstone is ready. Today, we found out that her headstone will be delivered tomorrow, and that we can come and view it tomorrow afternoon. I am so happy that it is ready, and I am looking forward to seeing it. We put a lot of time and effort into choosing the perfect cross, the best lamb, and the sweetest angel, so finally getting to see it will be good. But, at the same time, I am flooded with sadness. I know looking at her tiny little grave with her headstone will be bittersweet. For me, it is the end to a long journey, but the beginning of another. It will just seem so final to me. So, if you think about it, just please say a prayer for us tomorrow. It will be hard for me to go and purchase the "perfect" flowers to put on her grave, as well as finally having the opportunity to visit Caroline's completed grave.

" I thank my God every time I remember you". Philippians 1:3

(the verse on her headstone)

Happy!

2010-06-29T16:18:00.000-05:00

I could not find Wesley a few weeks ago. He was quietly sitting in the kitchen, and just "having a snack"....he was chomping on 2 apples and a pear! So Funny! My sweet precious boys, who truly love each other!! I just love them sooo much!!

My little mini-me....he loves driving his trucks all over the yard!

This sweet baby melts my heart, and his smile is just amazing!

I could this little pumpkin up! He is wonderful, and makes his mommy so happy!

All to Jesus I Surrender

2010-06-11T16:08:00.000-05:00

Four months have passed. It is hard for me to believe that exactly four months ago, a few hours after giving birth, we were leaving the hospital, without our baby, headed straight to the funeral home to plan her memorial. The pain of loosing our baby daughter is still so real, and still hurts so bad. Thankfully, we have had a lot of healing over the last four months. While our hearts are still breaking for our loss, we are able to rejoice more and more in Caroline's gain! As we visited her tiny grave today as a family, Rhett and I talked about details of her birth and death, and how at times, it still does not seem real. As we walked away from her grave with our boys, I felt the sadness of not having her in my arms, but thankfully I was reminded of the joy I have in our wonderful boys and what a blessing they are!! I am learning to truly surrender it all to Jesus, because that is the ONLY way I can make it in this world without my precious little girl.

I LOVE this sweet hymn and it has been on my mind a lot lately. I think it is one of God's gentle reminders to let Him take my burdens and worries. Praying you can surrender your "problems" and let Jesus carry you!

**Stop my play list at the bottom if you want to hear the hymn

A Start Over Day

2010-05-25T15:39:00.001-05:00

"Start Over". As a child of God, wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister, etc., there have been many times I just wanted to "start over". We all have those moments, whether it is an argument with your spouse, loosing patience with your children, failing in your Bible study, disagreement with a family member, not being there for a friend, etc, etc....where we just wish we could start over! I will admit I have experienced all of the above, more than one time.

I am not quite sure when this "start over" began in our family? Somewhere in my disciplining of my precious Wesley, I offered him a chance to "start over". I am sure this came about during a fit that was not being stopped by any form of discipline or reasoning with my ever so stubborn preschooler :).....you all know what I am talking about. I was surprised on this particular day that something so simple calmed my precious child, and he once again became rational....forgetting whatever he was so upset about. I have used this several times with him when the situation seemed appropriate, and it seems to work. This morning, as I was hurrying to get out of the house and run errands, and get everything checked off of my list, Wesley was just beside himself! Nothing was right, everything was "not working", he was refusing to listen and obey, was not sharing...etc, etc. Needless to say, we were having a rough morning! I will admit that after too many time outs to count and one spanking my nerves were frazzled, and I was becoming impatient......not how I like to be with my babies. Wesley was once again sitting in time out, when I asked him to come to the kitchen and have a "talk". In his sweet little boy voice, he looked at me with his big brown eyes, and said "Mommy, I am sorry for being ugly, I am just having a bad day. Can I just start over again?, that will make me be good"! He was truly sorry for being ugly, and really wanted to start over! I just grabbed him in my arms and gave him a big hug, and we talked about being kind to each other, obeying, etc, and we were both very glad to just "start over". The rest of our day has been great, and he has been the complete opposite of this morning!

I know there are a lot of days that I need to do the same thing. I am guilty of being selfish, stubborn, angry, worried...........all of the things my Savior does not want me to be. As I sit here and think about my precious little boy, and trying to parent him, I realize that God is teaching me a big lesson too!! I just love the moments when I know He is speaking to me through my children. I have been worried about things that should not worry me, stubborn and trying to make plans, frustrated that my baby girl is not living this life with us, and many more! I know that my God is in control, and He loves me, and His ways are PERFECT. I know that my sweet Caroline is safe in His arms, the same arms that have held me, and will continue to hold me. I know all of this, but I am human; a sinner; and I think I need to "start over". I am so thankful that my God loves me enough, and cares for me enough to let me "start over". This road I am walking is tough, God never said following Him would be easy, but He has promised to walk it with me. So, today, I am going to join my sweet Wesley in "starting over"....giving God my worries, sadness, frustrations, stubbornness and many more. It is my prayer that if you are in a rough spot, that you can give it to God and let Him be in control. I speak from experience that when we do that........everything works out for the best, and life is so much sweeter!

"Yet this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed,
for His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning,
great is your faithfulness".

Lamentations 3:21-23

Praising God that HIS mercies are new every morning!!!!

Happy Anniversary!

2010-05-19T13:01:00.000-05:00

Nine years ago, God blessed me with the most amazing husband in the world:)!! My sweet hubby and I were so excited to begin our lives together, and absolutely could not wait to be married! We started dating when I was 15......so we have been a couple for over 15 years!! I started praying for my husband when I was about 12 years old, and I know without a doubt that God answered that prayer, when I married my sweet Rhett. I can say with all of my heart that he is my absolute best friend in the whole world, and there is no one else I would ever want to be on this journey with! We have had a fabulous marriage since day 1, and it just keeps getting better! Our wedding vows have truly been "tested" over the last 9 years, and I am so proud to say that we have been able to uphold them. Rhett and I have had some wonderful and amazing times, and we have also endured some very sad and trying times. I am so thankful for the wonderful man God has given me for a husband! I love the way he loves me and the awesome Daddy that he is! Our sweet boys adore their Daddy, and I am so thankful I have gotten to see all of the different roles he has taken on over the last nine years. I am so very grateful for our awesome marriage, and I look forward to many many years to come!!

My parents came to visit us this week, so we were able to go on a fun anniversary date last night! Rhett took me out to dinner at a super yummy restaurant last night, Folk's Folly......if you are ever in Memphis....eat there because it is great! He surprised me this morning with a troll bead bracelet, with four beautiful glass beads, and then initial beads for our three children! I love it:)! He also sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers this morning. I truly am blessed with the best husband in the world, and I thank God for him every day! Happy Nine Years to my very best friend, and the best husband ever!!!

"Save a Place For Me"

2010-05-12T08:30:00.000-05:00

This song by Matthew West, was released, right before Caroline was born. I can say that it is one that really spoke to me, and continues to, as I walk this road without my baby. It seems as though every time I am driving in the car to go and visit her grave, this song comes on. Yesterday, Caroline would have been three months old, and as I drove to her grave, once again this song was on the radio. I love my life, and am so thankful for the wonderful blessings I have. I am in awe that God has chosen to share my amazing little boys with me, and for the opportunity to be Wesley and Davis' mommy, but I am excited to know that there is a place for me in Heaven! I WILL get to see my beautiful daughter again!! I pray that you have that same hope and assurance, that without a doubt, you know you will spend an eternity in Heaven!

"Save a Place For Me"

Don't be mad if I cry, it just hurts so bad sometimes,
'Cause every day it's sinking in, and I have to say goodbye all over again.
You know, I bet it feels so good to have the weight of this world off your shoulders now,
I'm dreaming of the day when I am finally there with you.

Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon

I have asked the question why
But I guess the answers for another time
So, instead I pray with every tear
And be thankful for the time I had you here

Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon

I wanna live my life just like you did
Make the most of my time just like you did
And I want to make my home up in the sky just like you did
Oh, but until I get there
Until I get there

Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon

A New Club

2010-05-02T21:19:00.000-05:00

Today, I realize I am a member of yet another "club". Sunday, May 2nd, is "International Babylost Mother's Day"; a day for all mothers who have lost a baby to celebrate the precious life of her lost child. I would be lying if I said I wish I were not part of this group. But the fact is that just 2 1/2 months ago, I received lifetime membership when my sweet baby Caroline was born and died. I miss her. I long to hold her. I wish I could rub her sweet soft head one more time. I would do anything to sing to her just one more time, or feel her tiny kicks in my belly. I desperately miss my baby.

"The Lord is close to the broken hearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit"

Psalm 34:18

I am so burdened for all of the many women all over the world who are members of this "club". There are millions of women who feel the deep desperate pain I do everyday, who long to hold the baby they never knew, or the one they only knew briefly. This is honestly the hardest thing we have ever walked through. One thing that is a constant struggle for me is that some people have forgotten about my precious baby girl, or don't even know she existed. It is very hard when people ask me how many children I have, to say two, and even harder to say three, but one lives in Heaven. While I am still joyful and I do have peace about Caroline, her brief life, and her amazing eternity in Heaven.....I am still grieving my baby girl. So many family and friends see me on the outside, and think "she is doing great and really seems to be over this".......while on the inside my heart breaks and hurts for my loss....... the loss of my very much wanted and loved daughter. I am made aware everyday of other women just like me, whose hearts are breaking for their precious babies, and my heart aches for them. I know the desperate feeling of giving birth to a baby you know will not live, and leaving the hospital empty handed, the agonizing decisions that come with planning your infant's funeral/burial, the desperate felling of visiting her grave, the sad empty feeling of longing to hold her once more, and the wish that things were different. But, I also know the love of my Heavenly Father, that He cares for all of us in this club, the unexplainable peace He has given me over the last 6 months, and the joy in knowing I will see and hold my amazing little Caroline again one day. It is my prayer today, that all of the mommy's who are "celebrating" their little ones who are no longer here on this earth, will have the same amazing peace from God that I have, and the assurance that they will see and hold their baby's again one day!

So, since this is a day of "celebration", I will tell you how we participated. Right after Caroline's birth and death, we were asked to share our testimony about her in our church spring musical. The title was "Help Is On The Way". Since the beginning of our journey, Rhett and I have wanted our experience to some how benefit others. I will be honest, I thought this was a little "soon", but since that is what we had prayed for, we were very excited to share about our journey. As the weeks passed and the date got closer, I realized that talking without crying was just not going to be possible for me. Thankfully, my amazing husband, was able to stand before our church, hold my hand, and share some of the details about our little girl. We did this tonight, on the International Babylost Mother's Day.....I had no idea until today, that May 2 is dedicated to this. I was overjoyed that on this day, Sunday, May 2, Rhett I stood before our church family and he shared about our daughter. What a way to celebrate my new "Mother's Day". We were able to tell of our journey and how from the beginning God has provided for us, guided us, shown His love and mercy to us and has truly been our "help on the way". I am so thankful to know that my God has had this planned from the beginning; that on an internationally day dedicated to mother's who have lost babies, we were able to share about ours. God has held us close and provided so much for us over the last months, and it is because of our faith in Him, that we are able to continue on this difficult, yet amazing journey!

"And my God will meet all your needs, according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus".

Philippians 4:19

"Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight".

Proverbs 3:5-6

What We've Been Doing!

2010-04-16T22:17:00.000-05:00

So, I am behind in updating what we have been doing lately! This blog is intended to tell our sweet little girl's story, but also for me to document what we are doing, since I do not have time to scrapbook. I realize that I have not even put any Easter pictures up, or documented what we did for Easter, so I will just have to back-track!

Wesley, Davis and I have been PLAYING so much! We have been having amazing weather, and we have taken full advantage of it. We have been to several parks with different friends for play-dates, taken a few zoo trips, and played outside almost every day, for many hours! One "new" fun thing we have done this spring is visit the Botanic Gardens. They have an awesome part of the gardens dedicated to children. There are many super fun things to play with, and we have really enjoyed going there with our friends!

We started our Easter weekend with a trip to a local farm. We rode pony's, and the trackless train, visited with the Easter bunny, fed the animals in the petting zoo, and took a hay ride for an Easter Egg hunt. The following pictures are from our fun day at the "farm"! I have more Easter pictures....still on my camera ( I know that is bad), so I will do a separate post later.

We are still doing good, and every day continues to get easier. I have been so blessed lately by a few sweet people and their comments about our blog. I just never imagined how our little Caroline would impact so many, and help make life changes. I am so very thankful God is still reminding me that He is in control, and He is revealing His mighty plan more and more every day. Thanks again to all of you for your sweet notes, and emails, and thank you for reading our blog!!

Caroline's Cross

2010-04-08T14:08:00.000-05:00

I am so happy to post this! A few weeks ago, a sweet girl, whom at the time I had never met, sent me a message on facebook. She and I have a few mutual friends, and through them, she heard about our journey with our sweet Caroline, and read our blog. Her name is Emily, and she is a fantastic artist! She can paint anything! After hearing about our story, she felt led to create a piece of art in memory of Caroline. It is a beautiful cross with vibrant colors, that represent our family, Caroline, our love for each other and God, and most of all God's love for us. We absolutely love it! Rhett and I are so thankful for amazing people like her, that have touched us by sweet acts of kindness during the difficult road that we have been travelling. She was so very sweet to let us have the first cross she made, and it now hangs in our home. It is a constant reminder of how God has used/is using our precious little girl, and her brief, but very important life.

Another amazing thing about this is how it can benefit Eagle's Nest; the orphanage that cared for Wesley in Guatemala. Emily will paint crosses for anyone that wants to purchase one, and a portion of the proceeds will be donated to Eagle's Nest! Once again, God is just revealing His mighty love for us, our family, and His perfect plan for our lives. We will always miss our baby girl , and long for her to be here with us, but we are overjoyed at the wonderful ways she has affected so many people! How awesome it is that our Caroline's life, will help the sweet children living in Guatemala! God is so good......ALL OF THE TIME!

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The website to order a cross is:

http://www.emilyhorndesigns.blogspot.com/

Thanks so much to all of you who are still reading our blog and praying for our family. Rhett said it perfectly: There has been an awful storm in our family, lots of dark, rainy, stormy weather. The storm is over, the rain has stopped, and the sun is shining through more and more every day. There are still cloudy times, but we are seeing so much more sun now!! We are praising God for the bright sun He is giving us, and for the many ways He continues to bless us!

Thankful Thursday

2010-03-25T08:15:00.000-05:00

As I sit for a brief moment, after my quite time this morning, I just thought I would list a few of the things I am so very thankful for. In the midst of all of our sorrow and heartache over the loss of our precious baby Caroline, just six weeks ago, I am constantly reminded of how much I have been given.......and for that I am so thankful. I think about all of the "lessons" I learned during our journey with Caroline, and one of the main things I always come back to is: Thankfulness--for all of the amazing things God has given me. Many months ago I made a choice, a choice in how I would handle our situation, and "deal" with the storm we were/still are in. With God's great and mighty love, I chose to be thankful. It has not always been easy! At times it was so very hard to be thankful for the things I knew God was teaching me, when I knew my sweet baby girl would not be able to live outside of my body. But, God never left me, and He has been there when I remembered to thank Him for the wonderful things He has done for me, and when I chose to be bitter and not thank Him. So, today, I pray that we can all, no matter where we are in life, or what circumstances we are facing, focus on the many blessings God has given us......and have a super Thankful Thursday!!

Today I am thankful for:
-My precious family--I think I have the most amazing husband in the world, and the most precious children (I am sure I am a little biased :)!!)
-I am so thankful for my freedom to worship my Saviour, and the joy I get from serving Him
-I am thankful for the sweet little reminders of our baby girl
-I am so thankful for the promise that I will see Caroline again, and get to hold her precious little body, and kiss her sweet head.
-I am thankful that I do not have to walk this road alone-God is right there with me, carrying me many times, and for the awesome family and friends I have!
-I am thankful for the sweet friends who talk about Caroline, and let me talk about her----she will always be my baby girl!! Thank you for letting me be a proud mommy!
-I am thankful that I have a future, and God has a great and mighty plan for us.
-I am thankful for the sweet laughter that fills our home, for the beautiful smiles I get everyday, the "I love you mommy" that I constantly hear, the many "hold-me" requests, the noise from trucks and toys, loud-happy squeals, the many games of Candy Land played, tons of dirty muddy laundry, reading the same book 20 times, sleeping in the rocking chair, morning snuggle time, beautiful little faces, awesome memories, and the JOY of motherhood!!!

What are you thankful for?

"Praise the Lord. Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; His love endures forever!!"
Psalm 106:1

Sweet Mischief

2010-03-18T08:22:00.000-05:00

Here are some recent pictures of my precious boys! They are so much fun, and keep me busy! I am so thankful God is sharing them with us, and I love every second of being their mommy, even if they are a little mischievous :)!!

This has become very common at our house....Davis climbing on the table to finish off any food that might be left up there.......such a funny baby!!!

They were just being super silly and so cute!

On his way to the top of the table......never a dull moment :)!

Wesley can get into our bathtub alone, but Davis has to have help. You can see he pushed my stool over to the tub, and just climbed right in!! They are playing trains "choo-choo"!!

One of many "wrestling matches" to come! They really LOVE each other!!

According to Wesley they were headed to the grocery store to buy grapes and milk!

Wesley is cooking me a surprise, while sporting Rhett's protective glasses

My little climbing monkey!--this is the only way he plays with this toy!

Another favorite of theirs.....climbing and jumping! I give up ;)!!!

Davis is super creative, and uses whatever he can find to make it onto the couch.....this time a toy rocket :)

I found this precious baby in the cabinet (it has safety locks??), and he was saying "nack".....translated to snack!

"Because He Lives"

2010-03-16T14:06:00.000-05:00

This hymn is one of my all time favorites. I absolutely love the words, and the promises in the song! Rhett and I chose this song to be sung at the closing of Caroline's memorial because we know we can face the "tomorrow's" with our Savior guiding us. He never promised it would always be easy, but that He would be right by our side, leading and guiding us!

So, when this song was sung Sunday night at church, I had mixed emotions. I really wanted to stand there in the sanctuary and sing the words like I always have, but I COULD NOT! I had not thought about how it would feel to hear one of the songs from her memorial....and let me just tell you it was tough. The sweet words of this hymn are so very true and dear to my heart, but it brought back SO many emotions! This past weekend was hard for me, because it marked one month since Caroline was buried. I just sort of had a hard time all weekend. Thankfully, I had a couple of sweet friends that sent me really sweet messages on Friday and Saturday. It is a blessing to still have prayers for comfort and peace being prayed on our behalf! Those friends were once again a simple reminder of how God has blessed us, and is providing for me! When they started playing this song in our dimly lit sanctuary, I could not stop my tears. My sweet husband put his arms around me and just held me....he truly knows how tough it is, and he truly feels my pain. I thank God for giving me such an amazing husband!! The selfish human part of me wanted to RUN out of there and find somewhere to just cry and be sad. But, God quickly reminded me that:

"Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone,
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives".

Every day is hard. There will never be a day that I do not think about our precious baby Caroline. I miss her, and I ALWAYS will. But, I have a hope, a peace, a future, ....because my Saviour lives, and He has taken away all my fears! My life is so full and blessed, and absolutely worth living, because HE LIVES! I thank God for the simple ways He is constantly reminding me that in the midst of our sorrow and sadness; He loves me, and has a plan for our family!

I am amazed at how many people are reading our blog!!! In less than 72 hours, we have had almost 300 people log onto this site. I am overjoyed by the many comments/emails/notes we have received about how Caroloine's life is blessing others. I pray for any one reading this that is struggling with anything right now. I hope that you can find the strength and courage to face tomorrow, because God does live, He does care about you, and He has a great and mighty plan for your life!

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit". Psalm 34:18

Four Weeks

2010-03-10T16:38:00.000-06:00

Four Weeks.....Roughly 28 days.....of grieving my sweet baby girl, while at the same time rejoicing in her gain of an eternity of happiness! I never imagined that I would be writing an update documenting four weeks since my baby was born and died.....I would rather be writing that she is beginning to coo, and is more alert, loves to be held, is staying awake more, and just what a fabulous baby she is. But, that is not the plan that God had for her and our family. As desperately as I WANTED his plan to be different, I am constantly reminded of how perfect His plan has been/is for us, and for that I am rejoicing!!!

"For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and His weakness is stronger than man's strength".
1 Corinthians 1:25

It is very true that every day does get better, but every day is still hard. There is not a day that I do not think about her, and desperately miss her. There have been some "awkward" moments for me. In the grocery or Wal-Mart, workers that have seen me for the last 8 months (I think my pregnancy's with Davis and Caroline sort of run together for some people......seems like I was pregnant for a really long time!!), have asked me where the baby is, or how old, etc., and that is tough! I could be on the verge of tears, and to then have to explain that we did have Caroline, but there were complications, and she is now in Heaven is REALLY hard. I never want to ignore the facts about my sweet little girl, but I also do not want to upset some sweet person, that is just being kind, and asking about my baby. It is just a very fine line. When I am faced with a situation like that, I usually end up comforting the other person, and then they feel even worse! This aspect of the grief process has been tough, but I am constantly reminded that my God is right there, and He is carrying me through the unexpected tough times.

"Look to the Lord your God for strength, seek His face always".
1 Chronicles 16:11

Our sweet Wesley is handling everything so well. He has a great "three year old" understanding of Heaven. He talks a lot about his baby sister. He tells me often that he sees her, and that she is "happy now". He has said many times that Caroline is so happy in Heaven with Jesus. He believes that Jesus has lots of toys, God has lots of chips and coke, and now Caroline is not "missing a piece", and she loves Heaven. He also believes that she has pancakes every morning for breakfast (his dream), and that she plays trains and swings all day with the angels! What an amazing image of happiness and joy for him. He knows that our sweet baby girl could not be healed on this earth, but that our Jesus is holding her perfectly healed body, and that she is rejoicing, playing, running, singing, and experiencing immeasurable happiness now. I do not know if she eats pancakes every day??, I hope she does, but the point is that our precious little boy has a fabulous understanding of the joy and happiness that Heaven is. I believe that God is using Wesley and his precious ideas of Heaven, to help me through the "tough" moments. It is no secret that sometimes my emotions can get the best of me, and I just can't stop my tears....usually when I am overly tired, or just feeling sorry for myself! It is in these moments that I hear..."Mommy, I see Caroline, she is dancing and singing", or "Caroline is eating pancakes with Jesus, and she is so happy now". How could my heart not be uplifted and a sadness turned into joy by these simple reminders of how happy and whole my precious baby is now, that she is in Heaven? I know that she is so very happy now, and is enjoying everything good, and for that I am joyful. The human part of me still wishes that things would have been different for her, but because of God's love for her and me, I can rejoice in her beautiful gain!

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal". 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

The last four weeks have been hard, and joyful. It seems as though just yesterday I was pregnant with Caroline, while at the same time, it seems like a longer time has passed. I know that everything will continue to get better for us, as the grieving process continues. I am so thankful that there are many more good days than bad, and for the gentle reminders that God is still in control, He is still on His throne, and He loves us more than we could ever imagine! I know that God has an amazing plan for us, that will continue to unfold over the weeks and months to come. I am very grateful that I have my faith and relationship with God, and that He is the one carrying my family and me, and giving us peace and hope!

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power with all of the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know his love surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God". Ephesians 3:16-19

"Even to your old age, and gray hairs,
I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you,
I will sustain you and I will rescue you!" Isaiah 46:4

Pictures

2010-03-06T16:03:00.000-06:00

My sweet family: Four days before Caroline was born!

Wesley's smile.....when he does not want to smile

Sweet Brothers in the snow.....they are best buddies!

Precious little angels!

Love this sweet little baby!

They have my heart......and I am pretty sure this will not be such a cute picture in about 14 years......OH MY!!!!

Caroline's Memorial

2010-02-28T16:01:00.001-06:00

We buried our precious Caroline, a little over two weeks ago, on February 13, 2010, at 10:30 AM. It seems like it was just yesterday, and at the same time it seems like a longer time has passed. It is still hard for me to think about at times, but I continue to find such a peace that my precious baby girl is resting in her Saviour's arms, and that she never experienced any pain or suffering. I am so thankful she has a beautiful resting place.

We spent the day after she was born preparing for her memorial service. Rhett and I met with the funeral home early on Friday morning. We were so blessed to have such understanding and caring people to work with. They truly made a very sad time for us, as bearable as possible. I had no idea what to expect, but they had everything we needed, and the process was not as hard as it could have been. Looking back, I think I was in a sort of daze, and just going through the motions. My precious husband was amazing, and so supportive. He was/is my stronghold, and answered questions when I could not. He completed sentences for me, held my hand, and wiped many of my tears......he truly took care of me.

We chose a beautiful white casket for Caroline, and we also had several things placed in it with her. She and I have matching pearl bracelets. Her bracelet was so very tiny, but it was so beautiful. This is another one of the little details that were so amazingly "worked out". I ordered our bracelets just a few days before Caroline was born, and they were supposed to take 2-3 weeks to make. But, praise the Lord, they arrived just 3 days after I placed the order, on the day she was born and died! Each bracelet has a silver disc, with Caroline engraved on the front, and the words "forever loved" on the back. Her sweet bracelet has a tiny cross on it, and mine has a charm with precious little baby feet. I am so thankful I have a matching bracelet, and I will forever treasure it. We also included a picture of our family, Rhett, me, and our sweet little boys. I chose to put my old Bible in with her. This is the Bible I had in high school/college, and for the first part of our marriage. Rhett bought me a new one a few years ago, because my old one was literally falling apart. I absolutely love that Bible, and still read it quite often. I always enjoyed reading the notes I had in the side-bars, highlighted verses, and dates written that I read a certain verse that really spoke to me. I wanted to give all of that to my sweet little girl, because it meant so much to me. She was also buried with a soft a cuddly rabbit, that had Psalm 139:13-16 ....printed on the belly. These were just a few of the special things we wanted to do for. Knowing that she has a few things from us, things that are special and close to my heart, provide me with some comfort.

On Friday, just 24 hours after her birth, we also had the very difficult task of choosing her final, "earthly", resting place. In the previous months, Rhett and I had visited a particular memorial garden, but we had not made a decision. At the time of her birth, we were still undecided on whether we would choose cremation or burial for her. I remember talking to our pastor while I was in labor at the hospital, about what we were planning. I expressed to him that we were still so unsure about what we wanted for her, and what would be best for our family. At that point, I just wanted some one to tell me what to do.....so that would be one less decision for me to make. I am sure he saw the desperate look in my eyes at 1 AM that morning, and he sweetly took my hand, and spoke very wisely to me. He said he understood how terribly hard this decision would be for us, and that there is no wrong choice. He told us how the memorial for her would be, with either choice. He then kindly gave us the best advice when he said, "Amanda, you will know exactly what to do for her, when you meet her. Mama's always know what is best". Once again, I was overwhelmed with peace and comfort, and felt a huge relief. Oh, how correct he was! Once our sweet little angel was born, we knew with certainty that she would be buried, and not cremated. Over the weeks leading up to her birth, this decision was really weighing heavy with me, and it was so wonderful to finally have a peace about her final resting place. Let me say here that we in no way think there is anything wrong with cremation (we heavily considered it for Caroline), but when the time came, burial was right for us. I just could not gain the peace I needed over cremation. The only reason I have for this is just that it was not the right decision for Rhett and me, and thankfully we do have that much needed peace over having buried our sweet baby.

Rhett and I were pretty sure about where we wanted her buried, but we wanted to be certain. We spent the afternoon looking at a few different areas, but we came back to our original plan. I can honestly tell you that at the age of 30, I never imagined I would be choosing a place for my tiny baby to be buried, much less choosing the place for me and my husband. You see, Rhett nor I could imagine our baby girl being buried alone. We chose to go ahead and purchase our grave sites as well, right beside her, so one day (hopefully many years from now), we will be laid to rest beside our precious baby girl. We know that the burial site has nothing to do with eternity, but we found comfort in knowing that we will share the places beside her. So in less than 36 hours, we gave birth, said hello and goodbye to our beautiful Caroline, planned her memorial, picked out a casket for her, and burial sites for all three of us. Once again, this was a really tough day for us, but God just gave me so much strength and energy, and I was able to make some very tough decisions.

We are so pleased with the memorial garden where Caroline is buried. It is very peaceful and quiet there. There are many trees, you can hear the birds chirping, and it is just a beautiful place. The weather for her memorial was fantastic. It was chilly, but the sun was shining and the sky was crystal blue. I kept thinking what a beautiful day it was, and I know the beauty Caroline sees every day in Heaven is a million times more beautiful. She is buried right beside a pond, and there was still snow on the bank of the pond during her service. I could go on for days about her service and how beautiful it was. There were a lot of absolutely gorgeous flowers, that meant so much to us. I know my sweet little girl would have loved fresh flowers as much as her mommy!

Before her service began, Rhett and I took Wesley to the memorial park early. We wanted to have some time alone with him, and try and explain to him what was happening. He did amazingly, and in his own sweet 3 year old way, has a wonderful picture of Heaven. We opened her service with a sweet friend of ours singing "It is well with my soul". Cheryl did an amazing job, and it meant so much to us for her to be able to sing. I truly do not know how she did it, but I am so thankful she did. That hymn is one of my favorites, and although my heart hurts every day over our sweet Caroline, and the journey we have had with her, it is truly well with my soul; because I know that God holds us all in His hands, and His plans are perfect for us. Even when we don't understand why or how, He does, and that is all that matters. Our preacher did an amazing job! His words were very encouraging and comforting. The promises from our Heavenly Father, given to us through Job's many trials in his life, are so true and uplifting. He was correct in saying that in the beginning of our journey we had to put our minds around her diagnosis, and then through it, and now we have to put our minds beyond it. Her service was concluded with our music minister singing "Because He Lives". Another of my all time favorite hymns. The only way I can face tomorrow without my sweet baby girl, is because I have a Savior that lives, and loves me, and has a PERFECT plan for my life. Because He lives, we can all face tomorrow!!!

At the end of her service, we spent some time talking with our family. It was very hard to feel so much pain and grief, and also to see how several of our family and close friends were grieving our baby girl. Caroline's life was very brief, but every day, I see/hear about more and more ways that she had a positive effect on some one. I am thankful God chose me to be her mommy, and I am even more grateful for the many ways she is making me a better person. After every one left, Rhett and I spent some time alone at her grave, and then we headed home. As we left, I had many emotions. I could not believe I was walking away from my sweet baby girl, but I was also thankful for the closure we were beginning to experience, and for the "new normal" that would develop over the weeks/months to come.

After the service, we had some fellowship time with our family at our house. We enjoyed a great lunch provided by my sweet friend Carrie. Having our family here to support us and celebrate Caroline's life was wonderful. We are so thankful for every one that cared for us and her, and for those who travelled a long way to be with us. Rhett and I decided in the beginning that we just wanted to be alone with our boys after our journey with Caroline was over. Thankfully, our family respected our wishes, and after lunch, every one headed home. We were truly exhausted, but all we wanted was to love on each other and our precious baby boys. I just knew that my sweet boys needed as much normalcy as I could provide, and honestly Rhett and I needed room to breathe. The weeks and months leading up to Caroline's birth and death were filled with so much uncertainty. We were worn out from labor/delivery, and all of the many decisions we made in such a short amount of time, and we welcomed the quietness in our home that afternoon. We knew the emotional rollercoaster was in no way over, but we were ready to embrace the healing and closure that we so desperately needed.

Thank you very much to all of our family and friends for loving us and our precious daughter. It has always been our prayer that she would be a blessing to others, and we are so thankful we were chosen to help full fill her purpose. It is comforting to hear how her story has been a blessing to some one. We are doing really good, and every day gets better. There will never be a day that I do not miss my baby girl, but I know we will see her again. Heaven has always sounded so wonderful and amazing to me, but now it is even sweeter, because I know I will hold and kiss my lovely baby girl again. I hope Heaven is your desire, and Rhett and I are praying for all of the lost souls in this world. I pray that every one can experience the joy in knowing eternal salvation and happiness, that can only come from Jesus Christ! To God be the glory, great things he has done!!!

Caroline Elizabeth Simmons

2010-02-15T08:37:00.000-06:00

Caroline Elizabeth

February, 11, 2010

3 pounds, 10 ounces, 16 1/2 inches long

Born at 7:57 AM, welcomed into Heaven at 8:57 AM

I have decided to go ahead and write Caroline's birth story. It will never get any easier to write all of the details down, and I want to be able to remember them, and I know so many people that have been praying for us, want to know exactly what happened. I decided to share this on our blog, because there are so many ways that God made himself evident over the course of her birth, death, and burial, that I want others to see how He always works for the good of those who love Him. From the beginning of our journey with our beautiful precious baby girl, it has been our hope to give God all of the glory in everything with her, and that is what we hope to do.

Last Wednesday, 2/10, we had an appointment with our perinatologist, who has been monitoring Caroline and her condition since 16 weeks. The previous week we had seen my OBGYN, and she was gaining concern over the fact that Caroline's sweet head was measuring full term, 40 weeks, at just 32 1/2 weeks. This was a huge change in her condition, since her head had always measured very small. We talked at length with my fantastic doctor, and she felt that we would deliver no later than 35 weeks, but that we needed to see the specialist. We went to our appt. with our two sweet boys in tow, and were of course looking forward to seeing our sweet girl on the ultrasound. During the ultrasound there were a few other problems that were discovered, and it was confirmed that her head was very large. Our doctor agreed that we needed to have her ASAP.....in no more than a week. Rhett and I were fully expecting this, and while it was very hard, we were glad to have somewhat of an idea as to when she would be born. At this point we were pretty confident we would have a C-section, b/c an induction at 33-34 weeks becomes an ethical issue, and the size of her head was a concern for them. Let me just stop here, and add that one of the things Rhett and I both struggled with over the course of our pregnancy was that at some point it could become difficult to make medical decisions for me and our Caroline. We knew there was a chance that when she was born that medical intervention could benefit her (intubation, certain procedures, IV's, feeding tubes, etc.). We knew that none of these procedures would change her condition, or make her better, but that they could become options in certain situations. As a mother (and nurse), it was very hard for me to say..."NO", we do not want any type of interventions for her......knowing they would not change her prognosis, only keep her alive. It was our prayer over and over that there would be no "gray" areas; that we would have an absolute peace over every situation. I can only sing God's praises over this huge prayer request of ours that was quickly becoming a burden for me, because He took care of all of those "gray" areas for us, and every decision we had to make was truly surrounded with God's peace. There was no better feeling than knowing and feeling the presence of God throughout everything!!

"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus". Philippians 4:7

We left our appointment with hope and peace. We knew from everything seen on the ultrasound, that our sweet Caroline would not be with us long, and the doctor was not very confident that she would survive birth. Another prayer of mine throughout our pregnancy was that we would just be able to hold her alive, and be with her when Jesus called her home. It was hard for me to know that the chances of that happening were very slim, but I still clung to the fact that God was in control, and I had to give all of my worries and concerns to Him. I prayed right there that some how we would hold our living baby girl, and that we could sing to her and love on her for as long as God allowed. I had no idea if this request would be answered, but once again I just felt an overwhelming peace that God was taking care of all of the details.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and DO NOT be afraid". John 14:27

Rhett and I thought we would take the boys to the Children's Museum after my appointment, since we knew we would be having Caroline soon, and we did not know how things would be after her birth. We got the boys loaded in the car, and as soon as we left the parking lot, I had a contraction!! About 8 mins. later I had another one, and so on and so on. I just thought they were Braxton Hicks. I had been having them on and off for the last several weeks, but they always went away after a few hours, or rest. We thought about heading to the museum still, but time was an issue, since Rhett had to get back to work, and we were getting hungry, so we changed our plans and headed for lunch (thank goodness) at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants (Wesley LOVES to have chip/dip lunch dates with his sweet Daddy). All through lunch my contractions continued, but I just thought I was tired and stressed about all of the stuff I still wanted to to before Caroline was born. I just kept telling Rhett there was no way this was "It".....I mean how perfect would that be!! After lunch we went home, and Rhett went to work. I was not feeling all that great, but was determined to get our laundry done, finish sweeping/mopping, etc.....just in case. Of course this turned out to be one of the days my sweet boys were far from interested from napping! I think I finally rocked them both to sleep around 2, and they napped together in the recliner.......so precious! By this time my contractions were between 5-8 minutes apart, and getting somewhat stronger, but I still did not think they were anything to be concerned about. As the afternoon went on, I did get my laundry done, between many "contraction breaks". My sweet friend Julie came by to check on us, and it was great to have her company. By about 5 pm, my contractions were 5 minutes or less apart, and I called Rhett to come home......b/c I was getting pretty uncomfortable. Thankfully we serve an AWESOME God, who has had everything planned out from the beginning of our journey, and things could not have been more perfect. My sweet parents were driving home from Indiana from babysitting my nephews for almost 2 weeks. Their plan was to stop by and "get some sugar", and then continue home......I know they were exhausted. I had talked to them several times that afternoon, but chose not to tell them about my contractions, b/c I knew they would be WORRIED. When they walked through our door at 5:45, they could tell something was wrong. I told them I was having contractions, but it was probably nothing, but they might want to consider spending the night with us....just in case. Rhett thought much differently than I did, and said y'all definitely need to stay, b/c I am pretty sure she is in labor. I was still not convinced, because it just seemed too perfect that I would go into labor the day of my doctor appt., when we found out that we need to have her ASAP......but looking back God was in control and had every little detail worked out. Things could not have been any more perfect, from contractions starting pretty much when we left the doctors office, to my parents driving through that night, to getting my laundry done :)! Rhett finally convinced me to call the doctor on call, and get his opinion. I was sad that my regular doctor was not on call, but the doctor we had was great! He told me to take some Tylenol, drink lots of water, take a hot bath, and if things did not improve, to call him back in an hour. I did what he said, although I was hoping something would help, I was pretty sure it would not. So in that hour, I packed a bag, there were so many things to remember, since this was not a typical birth. I just thought I had more time, so I was feeling pretty overwhelmed. I was in no way prepared to leave my boys, and I was feeling anxious about that.....I had never been away from Davis in 16 months, and only two times with Wesley. I knew they were in fantastic hands with my parents, and we would not have wanted them anywhere else, but it was still tough to leave them. Needless to say, my contractions did not improve, and were now about 3 minutes apart. I called the doctor back, and he said to head to the hospital. I remember feeling excited that this could be it.....but still shocked that it was NOW, and not at all how we thought it was going to happen. God's plan is always so perfect, even when we don't realize it!

"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future". Jeremiah 29:11

This verse in Jeremiah was the verse that came to my mind immediately when we found out about Caroline's diagnosis at 16 weeks, and it has been such an inspiration for me throughout our pregnancy with her. God's plan was/is perfect for us and our sweet Caroline, and it was just amazing to see Him fulfilling His plan.

When we got to the hospital, there were women in labor everywhere! I guess it was the night for babies! As Rhett and I sat in the waiting room waiting to be called back, there were several people who wanted to ask us questions, they had no idea what we were facing, and assumed we were there to have a healthy baby. It was hard to not ignore these "overly interested" people, but God put words in my mouth, and just handled a "tough" situation. Thankfully, we were called back pretty quickly. By the time we got the hospital, checked in, it was about 10 PM. The nurses confirmed that I was most definitely in labor, and that we should plan to stay the night. Rhett and I had not discussed much about the fact that we would prob. be having a c-section that night, we just thought that since I was in "labor" we would go with it. Once the doctor came in, we realized that his recommendation was to go ahead with the c-section, at around 11 that night. The main reason was that at 33 1/2 weeks, labor is typically stopped, not allowed to progress. He was very kind, but shared that he would not be able to give me pitocin to speed labor/contractions along (since I have had a previous section), or break my water......mostly because this would become an ethical issue......since I was not full term. All along the doctors treating us had hoped that I would just go into labor.....to avoid any ethical issues.....just not at 33 1/2 weeks. Since I was in labor, and we knew the recommendation of the specialist was to deliver within the next week, he was definitely recommending a section.....and this would not "create" any ethical issues. The doctor treating us was great, and he was in constant contact with my OBGYN. I can not express the overwhelming stress and heaviness I felt when we were faced with the decision to have the section late that night, or wait and see what happens...fully knowing that labor could stop and we would be sent home. Tears began to fall, and I literally could not catch my breath. I looked at Rhett, and I could tell he did not know what to do either. All I wanted to do was call every one I knew and get their opinion......at like 11:30 at night. But, deep down, I knew what we were supposed to do. I can say for sure, God was speaking to me. I felt as though I could not breath, and I knew He was telling me that He had a plan, and for us to just let go, and let Him be in control. I looked at Rhett again, and said...."No c-section", and he said "I agree". Thankfully, the doctor was very kind, and understanding, and he said he would respect our wishes. He originally said he would not be able to break my water or anything, but once he did an exam....he changed his mind. He realized that I really was in labor and had a good chance of having her soon, so he broke my water, and we were well on our way. I have to add here that our amazing preacher was at the hospital with us until about 1 AM.....he is such a Godly man, and Rhett and I are so thankful he was there to pray with us, and just minister to us. He truly has been wonderful throughout our entire journey. The night progressed with absolutely no sleep or rest....and no food. Ice chips are good, but you can only have a few.....so I was quickly becoming mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. My contractions were so strong and about every 90 seconds......much worse than when I was induced with Davis. I wanted to make it as far as I could without an epidural, not to be a hero (as some people suggested), but to just let my body work naturally. At about 3:30 AM, I realized how tired and exhausted I would be if I continued, and my body needed to rest. So, much to Rhett's happiness, I got my epidural around 4, and was quickly able to rest, no sleep, but rest and lots of prayer.....just what I needed. My night nurse was so kind, and she sat on my bed for a while and we just talked, and she said she had been praying for us and Caroline, and would continue to. I now realize what an impact our precious little girl had on her, because she had never experienced anything like our situation before, and she shared with me how grateful she was to be a part of our experience. At about 5, I was about 8 cm, and they predicted we would have a baby in a "few" hours. I just could not believe that this was really it, and that we would soon be meeting our precious little angel baby. Rhett and I were so excited to meet her, but so scared and worried for our sweet baby. We just prayed that she would be peaceful and experience absolutely no suffering or pain. I just remember praying for her and thanking God for her. I knew that she was not "perfect" in the world's eyes, but that she was beyond perfect in God's eyes, and she just like my precious boys, would be perfect to us.

" For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place,

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be".

Psalm 139:13-16

This verse was also so special to me throughout my pregnancy with Caroline. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Caroline was no mistake, that God carefully formed her exactly the way He wanted her to be, and that although I do not, and will never understand why he chose this life for her, HE..God ordained it, and she just like all babies are gifts from heaven, no matter how perfect they may or may not be in the world's eyes. I knew my sweet little girl was going to be absolutely beautiful, and the fact that God created her so carefully and with so much love, gave me such a peace in a very hard time.

I remember starting to feel just really weird about 6. I thought I was just getting anxious, but when my legs started tingling and my heart started racing....I got a little scared. I finally called my nurse about 6:45, and they quickly realized that it was time! Rhett and I were ready to meet our daughter. God was at work behind the scenes the whole time. I started pushing around 7, and my regular OBGYN got to the hospital about 7:20. Praise God I was stubborn and did not call them to come and check me at 6......because our wish of our regular doctor delivering Caroline would have never come true. While we were happy with the doctor we had, we were so relieved to see our sweet regular doctor. She has been amazing throughout our entire experience, and it meant so much for her to cancel half of her morning clinic to just be with us. I think I pushed for less than an hour, and Caroline was born. It was surreal, and so different than anything I could have imagined. Normally, you hear lots of commotion and crying when babies are born. My room was quiet, and we heard our doctor say..."Hello sweet angel, we are so happy to meet you precious Caroline". I knew I would probably not hear her cry or make any noise, and we did not. Looking back it hurts my heart to know that I never heard my precious baby's voice, but I am so thankful for the peaceful atmosphere surrounding her birth. Caroline was quickly placed on my chest, and Rhett and I just marveled at our beautiful daughter. She was so tiny, with the longest fingers and toes. Other than her amazingly beautiful cleft lip, her little body was perfect. I remember just cradling her in my arms, and trying to sing "Jesus Love Me" (I sang this to her everyday she was in my belly), but I could not get it out. Rhett and I were able to surround her with our love and kisses, as her short life on this earth quickly faded. I will never forget the look on my wonderful husbands face as he held our baby girl. He was/is one proud Daddy, and we both are better for having met Caroline. My doctor grabbed our camera, and started snapping pictures for us........that is a gift that I will always treasure. She was able to capture those first few moments we had with Caroline, and we can always look back and remember the special time we had with her. The hour Caroline lived passed quickly, and I was holding her when she went to meet Jesus. I don't know how I knew the moment it happened, but I did, and she was so peaceful. It will forever be etched in my heart and mind, the moment she saw her Savior, her Creator. I looked at Rhett and we just kissed her and loved her, and thanked God for her. Giving birth to my baby girl was amazing, and it is a day I will never forget. Letting her go to be with Jesus was the hardest thing I will ever do, and my heart longs to hold her and kiss her just one more time. But, I know that she is resting in the arms of Jesus, dancing with the angels, she is whole and complete, she is healthy and happy......things that she could have never done with her earthly body.

The rest of the day was filled with family coming to see her. Rhett and I chose to just have our boys there, with my parents, and also his parents. It was hard enough to share her with them, and we just felt it was better for us to limit our visitors. Wesley was/is so in love with his baby sister. I had no idea how he would handle everything, but he did amazingly. He wanted to hold her, and just kissed her and rubbed her tiny face. He truly loves his sister. He knew that she was going to go live in Heaven with Jesus, and he said several times...."Caroline is happy now, mama?". My precious friend Carrie was there for part of her birth, and she was able to meet Caroline as well. Carrie was with me when I found out about Caroline's diagnosis (Rhett was out of town), and I am so glad my best friend was able to meet and hold my precious daughter. Our preacher also came by that morning, right after Caroline passed away. We were so thankful to have him there to pray over her.

The rest of the day we had our sweet baby girl with us, as we waited for the photographer from Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. This a service that will always be dear to my heart. Having professional photographs that captured our sorrow and joy, will forever be very special to us. In the time waiting on the photographer, we did several things with our precious baby. We made a Christmas ornament with her hand/foot prints. We also had her footprints stamped in my Bible. We gaver her her first bath, and dressed her in the beautiful white smocked dress we had brought for her. We were able to put her precious little smocked bonnet on her head as well. Rhett's grandmother knitted Caroline a gorgeous white blanket, and we chose to swaddle her in that, with her rabbit. She was absolutely beautiful all wrapped up, and we just laid on the bed and stared at her, trying to take every little detail in. As the afternoon came to a close, we were facing the most difficult task of the day. We had our precious time with our angel, but it was time to say our final goodbyes, and hand her over to the funeral home. I do not think Rhett and I were fully prepared for this.......honestly it was something I had not really thought about. Although we knew Caroline was not there with us, it was still very hard to hand her over to a stranger, knowing that was the last time we would see her on this earth. I can tell you that at the moment that sweet lady walked out of my room with my baby, I felt completely empty. She had just taken a precious piece of us with her, and we were devastated. That is a feeling that you can never imagine; it is truly gut-wrenching. Here is where I was once again reminded of what an amazing husband I have. He held me in his arms and cried with me, and prayed for us as a couple and family. This is a moment that neither of us will ever forget, and that will forever be engrained in our memory.

Thankfully, I was doing well enough, just eight hours after delivery to leave the hospital. My doctor left the decision up to me, but she was comfortable with it, and we decided to leave. I knew how many things we had to get done on Friday, to prepare for Caroline's memorial and burial, on Saturday (that will have to be another post). It was bittersweet to leave the hospital. My whole pregnancy I could not imagine how it would feel to leave empty handed...without our baby. Thankfully we had a peace and calmness that only came from God. As difficult as the whole day was, it was joyful as well. In one day we said hello to our beautiful precious baby daughter, and we also said goodbye to her. We had closure to a journey that has changed us forever.....for the better. Her life on earth was very brief, but it mattered. I am so thankful to have witnessed first hand how God used the 20 hours of labor/delivery/life/death of our baby girl to affect those she came in contact with. I will never understand why God had this plan for us and our Caroline, but I will forever be grateful for what He and she taught me during our journey. To God Be the Glory!!

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the Heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows". James 1:17

Funny Wesley

2010-02-09T19:08:00.001-06:00

Since I try and use this blog to record funny things my sweet kiddos say and do, I figure I should write this one down. Yesterday, Wesley and I were praying, and very sincerely he said:

"Dear God, Oh Lord, thank you for Mommy, Daddy, Davis, and everyone. Thank you, oh God, for Jesus. Thank you for baby sister Caroline, in Mommy's BIG belly. Dear God thank you so much for snow, and snow ice cream, it is so delicious. And God, thank you for lots of coke and chips. The end, Amen!"

This child is so stinkin' funny and he just melts my heart. He truly prays what is on his little mind, and while I think it is super funny and precious, it reminds me of how honest we are supposed to be with God....truly tell Him what is on your mind and in your heart (He already knows anyway). So thank you my sweet precious Wesley for making me laugh, and reminding me in such a sweet simple way how to talk to God! I just love and treasure the sweet little ways God uses my babies to put so many things into perspective........thank you God for my wonderful and amazing children.....all THREE of them!!

"Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from Him". Psalm 127:3

Precious Loves

2010-01-14T19:30:00.001-06:00

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE My precious and amazing people!! They are the best, and are my precious loves!

Sweet Caroline

2009-12-20T17:07:00.000-06:00

I do not know why I have hesitated to post this update on Caroline, but for some reason it has been really hard for me to sit down and write about her. There are so many sweet family members and friends who are truly concerned for us, and are lifting us up in prayer daily, and for that we are soooo very grateful! Your sweet cards, emails, messages, and texts have meant so much to us over the last several months. Dealing with Caroline's prognosis is by no means easy, and my heart breaks for my precious baby girl, but we are taking everything one day at a time. The fact that God has a plan for her, He has from the beginning, and the assurance that he makes no mistakes, is helping us tremendously. I am treasuring every moment of my pregnancy with her! She is a very active baby, and is always on the move.

We had a cardiac echo last week.....a procedure that allowed the specialist to look in greater detail at her heart. Unfortunately we did find out that she does have some significant cardiac anomalies. Basically there is a large hole between two of the chambers of her heart, and two of the major vessels in her heart are reversed; which will eventually lead to an insufficient amount of oxygenated blood in her body....making breathing impossible for her. In a "normal" baby this would be a complication that would be treated with surgery, at some point after birth. The main concern I have had is that I do not want her to in any way suffer. My sweet doctor explained how death typically occurs in babies with conditions similar to hers, and she assured me that they typically just drift off to sleep.....no pain or suffering. What a relief to hear! We could demand surgery for Caroline, but after much prayer and talking, we are not making that choice for her. We know that with her brain malformation alone, her prognosis is very poor, and we have chosen to do nothing "selfish" and try and postpone the inevitable. We know that God has her precious life in His hands, although we do not know why He has chosen this for our family, we are trusting that He will provide all we need. The doctors can "predict" how long she can live with this condition, but our doctors have been honest...saying they really do not know, and admit they are not God, and DO NOT want to guess. We know that she will probably not survive for more than a few days to weeks this way. As difficult and heartbreaking as this news is, it is somehow peaceful. We have known for several months now about her diagnosis, but not knowing what to expect has been the hardest thing to deal with. Having somewhat of an idea about the length of her lifespan has given us peace over the "what-ifs".

It is our prayer that we can surround sweet Caroline with happiness, peace and love for the length of her life. We want her to feel the joy we have for her, and know that we love her. It is hard for me to picture how the days in the hospital will be, and if we do come home with her for a short time, but I do know that I want to have every opportunity to love on my baby girl. We are greatly saddened and heartbroken for our sweet Caroline, but it is our desire that her days here on earth will be filled with happiness and smiles, not sadness and tears. We want to rejoice in her precious life, and the amazing gift that she is. It is our prayer that we can be with our little angel when she is welcomed into Heaven. Rhett and I are talking a lot about what we want to happen at the hospital, how we will handle family and visitors. We have so many decisions to make, and we just ask that you pray for us to have sound judgement and clarity when making all of these difficult decisions.

The good news is that she is now head down, and is swallowing like a "normal" baby. Apparently these are two things that are uncommon with babies with her diagnosis. The fact that she is head down is great news, as we are hoping to not have another c-section. When babies are not swallowing well, the amniotic fluid greatly increases, putting the mom at risk for excessive amniotic fluid. This causes a lot of discomfort for the mom, as well as elevated blood pressure, etc. Thankfully, we are not being faced with any of theses situations!

It would be super easy for us to just be mad, angry, and have a major pity party. This Christmas season, I am daily reminded of how blessed we are. Just last night Rhett and I were talking about blessings and the many wonderful things God has given us. I started thinking, and we both agree that there are probably a lot of people that would choose to be in our shoes, other than the situation they are in. As hard and trying as this is for us, there are so many other people in this world who are suffering much greater than we are. I am so thankful to our God for blessing us with an amazing marriage, fabulous children, a strong faith, and hope for the future. Don't forget to thank God for all you have been given, when you start to think about it..............it is so much, and can put so many things into perspective. We hope your Christmas is very Merry, and let us all remember the reason we celebrate CHRISTmas!!

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit".

Romans 15:13

Fantastic Charity!

2009-12-01T20:35:00.000-06:00

If you are looking for an amazing organization to donate to this Christmas season......we have the perfect place!! Almost 3 years ago, we were greatly blessed with the adoption of our precious Wesley! He was hand picked by God for our family............and as always, it has been PERFECTLY WONDERFUL! He is an amazing little boy, and truly brings us so much happiness and joy. He lived in an orphanage, Eagle's Nest, in Guatemala, for the first six months of his life. Unlike a lot of orphanages, Eagle's Nest is a great place. They absolutely love the sweet babies and children there and they provide wonderful care for all of these precious children. Rhett and I will forever be grateful to them for taking such amazing care of our sweet little boy, and for loving him when we could not. I remember like it was yesterday, the first time we met him, and were able to hold him. It is because of the fabulous care from the staff and nannies there, that Wesley was so healthy, and adjusted so well to us. We could tell how much the sweet nannies really loved him, and that warmed our hearts! Unfortunately, due to the legal systems, adoptions in Guatemala have stopped, but there are still many children there that need homes. It is because of great places like Eagle's Nest, that these children have a place to call home. We all know how expensive raising children can be, and it is no different for Eagle's Nest. I know it would be a huge blessing to them and the precious little ones there if we could all donate this Christmas Season. Christmas is about giving.....that is what God did for us, He gave us His Son to save us! Join us in helping to save the sweet children still without loving parents and homes!!`There is a link to Eagle's Nest on the top right side of our blog. Thanks to any of you who are able to donate to them, if monetary donations are not possible, please pray for them and all of the sweet precious children! THANK YOU!!

So Long!

2009-11-30T10:45:00.001-06:00

It has been a long time since I posted anything!! We have been busy around here!

We had a great Thanksgiving week! We travelled to my parents last Wednesday night, and we were all so glad to be out of the car!! Davis has always had ENOUGH when we have about 30 minutes to go, so I spent the majority of that time turned around in my seat, feeding him snacks, and trying anything to make him happy (very safe, I know!). Wesley travelled really well, and was super excited to watch his new Thomas and Diego Christmas movies, SEVERAL times!! We went to Rhett's parents Thursday morning, and had a great Thanksgiving Day lunch with his family. We enjoyed getting to visit with every one, and Wesley and Davis had a fun time with all of their cousins. Wesley even decided to take a swim in their goldfish pond......always an adventure! We went back to my parents that afternoon for a Thanksgiving Day Dinner! Again we enjoyed a fantastic meal prepared by my mom, and had so much fun with my brothers and their families. Wesley and his cousin Maxwell played non-stop! We originally planned to stay until Saturday, and were going to fun Christmas light display with my parents, but sweet baby Davis started running fever late Thursday afternoon. So, we headed home early Friday, in order to see our pediatrician that afternoon. Thankfully he has just had a bad sinus infection, and after four days is FINALLY feeling better! We had a quick trip, but we had a wonderful time with each of our families.

In spite of everything, we know how much we have to be thankful for. God has richly blessed our sweet family, and continues to do so daily. Even through all of the struggles, pain, sadness, and fear, HE provides for us more than we could ever deserve, and we are SO VERY THANKFUL! With each day that passes, we realize even more how much we have been given, and we praise God for that! We are so blessed with: salvation, faith, forgiveness, freedom, a wonderful marriage, health, family, friends, a nice home, food to eat, our precious boys, our journey with sweet Caroline, and trials that make us stronger. God is GOOD ALL OF THE TIME!!

We are now in full Christmas mode at our house! All of our decorations are up, and I LOVE IT! Thanksgiving and Christmas are my most favorite times of the year! Wesley and Davis had so much fun "helping" us decorate the trees, and we had a blast decorating with them. Davis loves "un-decorating" the trees, and Wesley is ever so helpful to tell him how that is not right, and is a big "no-no"! I frequently hear from Wesley..."I think Davis has an urnament, mama,.....and he always does!!" I love it; they are so funny!! You will see in the pictures below, that they had the most fun on the ladder with their daddy, and yes I do realize how "un-safe" it was, but their Daddy promised me they would not fall! For those of you who know my sweet boys, you know how much they love to climb, so this was right up their ally! They make everything so magical! We are truly a blessed family

It Is Well With My Soul

2009-11-09T12:48:00.000-06:00

Yesterday in church, we sang one of my all time favorite hymns--"It is well with my soul". Ironically, this song has been running through my head for the last several weeks, and has been the "lullaby" for many of Davis' rockings. It is also one of the songs I have written down to possibly be at Caroline's memorail service, whenever that may be. I absolutely love the sweet words in the hymn, and the promises given from our Heavenly Father. The storm we are in is truly "well with my soul". I can not explain it any other way, other than the fact that my God is providing for us, and He has prepared us for whatever He has in store for us, our amazing little boys, and our precious little Caroline.

"When peace like a river, attendeth, my way,
when sorrows like sea billows roll;
whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, It is well with my soul.

It is well with my soul,
It is well, It is well with my soul.

Though Satan, should buffet, though trials should come,
let this blest assurance control,
that Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
and has shed his own blood for my sake.

It is well with my soul,
It is well, It is well with my soul.

My sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought,
My sin not in part but the whole,
is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul.

It is well with my soul,
It is well, It is well with my soul.

And, Lord hast the day, when my faith shall be sight,
the clouds be rolled back as a scroll,
the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well with my soul,
It is wel, It is well with my soul."

Horatio G. Spafford

Rejoice

2009-10-29T13:46:00.000-05:00

These are the verses that I have been repeating these last few days, and my sweet precious Wesley is learning them too...........what a blessing!!

"Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again REJOICE!! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, by prayer and petition, with THANKSGIVING, present your request to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts, and your minds in Christ Jesus".

Philippians 4:4-7

It is not hard to rejoice in this storm we are having. We have so many things to be thankful for. I am rejoicing in the fact that I have a Saviour who loves me so much, and cares for me, that He is giving me an un-explainable peace. So many people do not understand why we are really okay, when we say we are okay. It is not a front, it is not fake. I am okay, because I get my hope and my strength from my heavenly father. In the beginning of this journey (and it still is), my prayer was for peace and comfort. God is daily providing that for me. I have a huge peace in knowing that the life of my sweet precious Caroline is in his perfect hands. God loves her so much more than we ever could, and He will hold her in his arms every day and love her for me. I have peace in the fact that when she does go to Heaven, she will be made whole, never suffer, never be in pain, and will have an eternity of happiness. What a joy, as her mommy, to know that she will FOREVER be happy and healthy!!

I also rejoice in the fact that we have such a wonderful support system. Our family, friends, church family, and people we do not know that well, have shown a tremendous amount of love and support for us. We are so grateful for all of the prayers on our behalf and our sweet little Caroline's----prayer is the best thing any one can do for us! Thanks to all of you who are praying for us, we definitely feel it!!

My wonderful boys bring me so much joy and happiness! I thank God for them, and although they do not know it, their sweet smiles, beautiful little faces, contagious laughs, big hugs and sticky kisses are tremendously helping me. When my mind does drift months from now, and I think about the things with Caroline that won't be, they help me. I know God is using them to help us make it through the toughest times. What a gift God has blessed us with in our amazing little boys!

I will admit, I am anxious, and it is a daily struggle not to be. I am anxious to hear the official results of our amniocentesis. I am also anxious about the unknown. Will I carry her to term, how her birth will be, will she survive birth, how long will she live, where will we bury her, how will we tell Wesley and Davis??? All of the unknowns are constantly running through my mind. Fortunately, I do not have anxiety from this, but I am anxious to know the answers. I have searched the internet for other cases like Caroline's, asked my awesome doctors their opinions, but I know there is only ONE who knows the answers. God has so gently reminded me this week, that He has a plan. It is not for me to know, or worry about, it is my job to cling to Him, present my requests to Him, and He will give me a peace in everything! He has already provided such peace for Rhett and me. I know I have to give all of the "what-ifs" to Him, and that I am in control of NOTHING! Rhett and I say all of the time, as sad as we are about our Caroline, not knowing what to expect is the hardest part. This is my test of faith, to truly let go, and give it all to God. So, I am going to ask that you join us in praying for peace over the "what-ifs", that I can just give it over to God, and let him be in control of EVERYTHING!

Again, thanks to every one for caring about us and our precious little family! God has blessed us so much, and is providing for us daily!

New Blog

2009-10-26T10:10:00.001-05:00

Okay, so here is our new blog! Hopefully I will do a better job at updating this one! We have many upcoming changes at our house, so we needed a new blog to go along with all of our changes! This will be the EASIEST way for me to keep our family and friends updated over the next several months.

First, we will no longer be a family of boys....our upcoming arrival is a GIRL! We are thrilled to be adding sweet baby girl, Caroline Elizabeth, to our home, and are praising God for the road He has chosen for us. We do not understand everything about the journey God has planned for Caroline and us, but we are embracing His plan for each of us, and seeking to give Him the glory He deserves.

Now, I am sure I have confused a lot of you, so I will start from the beginning. When Rhett and I found out this past July, that we were expecting baby # 3, we were thrilled, SHOCKED, but thrilled. Davis was a mere 9 months old, and still breastfeeding, when we saw those two beautiful pink lines at 4 AM, but we were so excited, and just could not stop laughing! We were positive we wanted more children, so adding a new baby was fabulous news for us! The next four months would go by without any problems, a little nausea here and there, but nothing to really complain about. I absolutely LOVE being pregnant, and fortunately God has blessed me with "easy" pregnancies. When I went for my regular 16 week checkup, on October 15th, I had no idea how my very "normal/easy" pregnancy would soon change. Rhett was out of town (something that never happens), and my mom came to keep the boys for my appointment. I had plans to go and do some Christmas shopping after my appt., you know, have a little ME time! My appt. with my wonderful doctor was uneventful, and everything was great! I decided to go ahead and get the H1N1 vaccine. As I was waiting for the required 15 minute stay after the shot, the sonographer asked me if I wanted her to take a peek, and see if we could confirm pink or blue! Well, of course I said YES.....we could not wait to find out what our precious new baby was! During the ultrasound our sweet little one was very un-cooperative! She did some measurements, and noticed her head was a little small. She ran it by my doctor, who thought it best that I go and see a maternal/fetal medicine doc.......RIGHT AWAY! I was SCARED, and WORRIED, and ALONE! I thought about just being really brave, and doing it all by myself, but I was really scared for my sweet baby. I called my best friend, and asked her to start praying, and she immediately left her very busy job, and came to meet me. I am so grateful for my dear friend Carrie, and all of the love and support she has given me. I am so thankful for her and her sweet family! They were with us through our adoption journey with Wesley, our pregnancy with Davis, and now this journey with our sweet baby Caroline.

As I was leaving my OBGYN, I immediately called Rhett (in Oregon). I could not figure out how to tell him that our sweet baby could possibly have something terribly wrong. I knew he would feel completely helpless, since he was all the way across the country. I told him what I knew so far, and his words to me were, " No matter what, we will be okay". I am praying for you and our baby right now. Call me as soon as you can". I am so blessed to have such a wonderful Godly husband, and father for my children. I was scared to death, but also worried for him, because I knew he just wanted to be there with me. The ride to the maternal/fetal doctor was long and I was SCARED, have I told y'all I was SCARED, and SHOCKED!! Sweet Carrie was there with me, and did all she could to give me support, and courage while we waited for OVER an hour to see the doctor.............that was a really long hour! Rhett called several times during the wait, and it was wonderful to be able to talk to him.

The next few hours sort of run together. I had an ultrasound, and saw our precious baby girl, and her very normal body. When the sonographer got to her head, that is where the problems were. Basically in early gestation, like weeks 3-4, parts of her brain failed to separate and develop normally. So, while her body measures right on time, her head measures about 1 1/2 - 2 weeks smaller. This is not something that will change, or get better, and may possibly get worse. She does have some parts of her brain that are normal, but the majority of her brain is not correctly formed, thus leading to the words no parent ever wants to hear "incompatible with life". Hearing those very grim and hopeless words is the hardest thing I have ever had to endure, and then telling my sweet husband was even harder. Rhett handled it so well, and was such a huge support for me, even over the phone. He spent the next 12 hours changing his flights, rushing to make flights, and flying all night, so he could be home with me. I hated for him to have to cut his trip short, but I was so thankful he was on his way home. Once again, I am so very thankful for my best friend, Carrie. She was by my side the entire time, throughout the ultrasound, talking with the doctor, and she is still walking this journey with us. I don't know how I will ever thank her for rubbing my head, holding my hand, and experiencing this storm with me. She is awesome, and such a blessing from God.

While I liked the specialist I saw, he was not very encouraging. He really wanted me to go ahead with an amniocentesis, to check for chromosomal abnormalities, that very day, at like 6 at night. We are pretty sure his choice of treatment for us and our precious Caroline is: medical termination. I had just heard the most terrifying thing about our sweet baby girl, and now he is telling me that "killing" her would be the best thing for me, that we could get on with life faster. I was shocked, and could only say the first thing that came to mind (thank God), "I am a Christian, and that is not an option for me". He said he understood, and that they would support whatever decision we ultimately chose to make. I decided to wait and do the amnio once Rhett was home, and could go with me. I left that clinic that day terribly sad and scared, but with a peace that could only have come from my heavenly Father. This is the verse that popped into my head,

" For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".--Jeremiah 29:11

With that wonderful and encouraging verse running through my head, I left the clinic, and headed home. I thought about God's words as I drove home, and prayed to God for peace and comfort. I had no idea how I would handle the days and months to come, but I knew the only way was to cling to God, and rest in his grace and peace. I know that God does everything for our good, and that he has a plan for us that is so much better than anything we could ever imagine. I want God to be glorified through our sweet baby girl and her life. I decided that while this was the saddest thing I have ever endured, I had a choice. I could either be depressed, mad, angry, question God's reasoning, isolate myself from family/friends/reality, and just give up---or I could rejoice in the fact that God chose this path for us, our family, our baby girl, give Him all of the honor and glory he deserves, and be so thankful that I will look back and see how He carried me through this. I chose the later. No matter how terrible this storm is, and how sad and scared I am, I am still a wife, mommy to the two most wonderful little boys, daughter, sister, friend, and mostly child of God. I know there will be some really tough days (there have been many), and there will be some days that are easier. I am reminded constantly that God understands what we are going through, he lost his baby boy-----to save the world from their sins!!!

It is our hope and prayer that no one feels sorry for us. We do not feel sorry for ourselves, we are extremely sad that our little girl will have such a short life, but we know that God will bring much good out of this. We are putting our hope and faith in our God, and we have the ultimate peace that He will provide for us, and carry us every step of the way. We are focusing on our pregnancy, and enjoying every moment we are given with precious Caroline. I talk to her, read to her, and treat her just like I would any baby in my belly. Rhett and I are joyfully looking forward to meeting her. We are striving to create as much normalcy for our sweet boys as we can, and also include them in the joy of their baby sister. Please join us in prayer for our family, our precious angel Caroline and the road that awaits us.

"But my God shall supply all your needs, according to His riches in Glory, by Christ Jesus!!!"
Philippians 4:19