Caroline's Memorial

We buried our precious Caroline, a little over two weeks ago, on February 13, 2010, at 10:30 AM. It seems like it was just yesterday, and at the same time it seems like a longer time has passed. It is still hard for me to think about at times, but I continue to find such a peace that my precious baby girl is resting in her Saviour's arms, and that she never experienced any pain or suffering. I am so thankful she has a beautiful resting place.


We spent the day after she was born preparing for her memorial service. Rhett and I met with the funeral home early on Friday morning. We were so blessed to have such understanding and caring people to work with. They truly made a very sad time for us, as bearable as possible. I had no idea what to expect, but they had everything we needed, and the process was not as hard as it could have been. Looking back, I think I was in a sort of daze, and just going through the motions. My precious husband was amazing, and so supportive. He was/is my stronghold, and answered questions when I could not. He completed sentences for me, held my hand, and wiped many of my tears......he truly took care of me.


We chose a beautiful white casket for Caroline, and we also had several things placed in it with her. She and I have matching pearl bracelets. Her bracelet was so very tiny, but it was so beautiful. This is another one of the little details that were so amazingly "worked out". I ordered our bracelets just a few days before Caroline was born, and they were supposed to take 2-3 weeks to make. But, praise the Lord, they arrived just 3 days after I placed the order, on the day she was born and died! Each bracelet has a silver disc, with Caroline engraved on the front, and the words "forever loved" on the back. Her sweet bracelet has a tiny cross on it, and mine has a charm with precious little baby feet. I am so thankful I have a matching bracelet, and I will forever treasure it. We also included a picture of our family, Rhett, me, and our sweet little boys. I chose to put my old Bible in with her. This is the Bible I had in high school/college, and for the first part of our marriage. Rhett bought me a new one a few years ago, because my old one was literally falling apart. I absolutely love that Bible, and still read it quite often. I always enjoyed reading the notes I had in the side-bars, highlighted verses, and dates written that I read a certain verse that really spoke to me. I wanted to give all of that to my sweet little girl, because it meant so much to me. She was also buried with a soft a cuddly rabbit, that had Psalm 139:13-16 ....printed on the belly. These were just a few of the special things we wanted to do for. Knowing that she has a few things from us, things that are special and close to my heart, provide me with some comfort.



On Friday, just 24 hours after her birth, we also had the very difficult task of choosing her final, "earthly", resting place. In the previous months, Rhett and I had visited a particular memorial garden, but we had not made a decision. At the time of her birth, we were still undecided on whether we would choose cremation or burial for her. I remember talking to our pastor while I was in labor at the hospital, about what we were planning. I expressed to him that we were still so unsure about what we wanted for her, and what would be best for our family. At that point, I just wanted some one to tell me what to do.....so that would be one less decision for me to make. I am sure he saw the desperate look in my eyes at 1 AM that morning, and he sweetly took my hand, and spoke very wisely to me. He said he understood how terribly hard this decision would be for us, and that there is no wrong choice. He told us how the memorial for her would be, with either choice. He then kindly gave us the best advice when he said, "Amanda, you will know exactly what to do for her, when you meet her. Mama's always know what is best". Once again, I was overwhelmed with peace and comfort, and felt a huge relief. Oh, how correct he was! Once our sweet little angel was born, we knew with certainty that she would be buried, and not cremated. Over the weeks leading up to her birth, this decision was really weighing heavy with me, and it was so wonderful to finally have a peace about her final resting place. Let me say here that we in no way think there is anything wrong with cremation (we heavily considered it for Caroline), but when the time came, burial was right for us. I just could not gain the peace I needed over cremation. The only reason I have for this is just that it was not the right decision for Rhett and me, and thankfully we do have that much needed peace over having buried our sweet baby.

Rhett and I were pretty sure about where we wanted her buried, but we wanted to be certain. We spent the afternoon looking at a few different areas, but we came back to our original plan. I can honestly tell you that at the age of 30, I never imagined I would be choosing a place for my tiny baby to be buried, much less choosing the place for me and my husband. You see, Rhett nor I could imagine our baby girl being buried alone. We chose to go ahead and purchase our grave sites as well, right beside her, so one day (hopefully many years from now), we will be laid to rest beside our precious baby girl. We know that the burial site has nothing to do with eternity, but we found comfort in knowing that we will share the places beside her. So in less than 36 hours, we gave birth, said hello and goodbye to our beautiful Caroline, planned her memorial, picked out a casket for her, and burial sites for all three of us. Once again, this was a really tough day for us, but God just gave me so much strength and energy, and I was able to make some very tough decisions.

We are so pleased with the memorial garden where Caroline is buried. It is very peaceful and quiet there. There are many trees, you can hear the birds chirping, and it is just a beautiful place. The weather for her memorial was fantastic. It was chilly, but the sun was shining and the sky was crystal blue. I kept thinking what a beautiful day it was, and I know the beauty Caroline sees every day in Heaven is a million times more beautiful. She is buried right beside a pond, and there was still snow on the bank of the pond during her service. I could go on for days about her service and how beautiful it was. There were a lot of absolutely gorgeous flowers, that meant so much to us. I know my sweet little girl would have loved fresh flowers as much as her mommy!



Before her service began, Rhett and I took Wesley to the memorial park early. We wanted to have some time alone with him, and try and explain to him what was happening. He did amazingly, and in his own sweet 3 year old way, has a wonderful picture of Heaven. We opened her service with a sweet friend of ours singing "It is well with my soul". Cheryl did an amazing job, and it meant so much to us for her to be able to sing. I truly do not know how she did it, but I am so thankful she did. That hymn is one of my favorites, and although my heart hurts every day over our sweet Caroline, and the journey we have had with her, it is truly well with my soul; because I know that God holds us all in His hands, and His plans are perfect for us. Even when we don't understand why or how, He does, and that is all that matters. Our preacher did an amazing job! His words were very encouraging and comforting. The promises from our Heavenly Father, given to us through Job's many trials in his life, are so true and uplifting. He was correct in saying that in the beginning of our journey we had to put our minds around her diagnosis, and then through it, and now we have to put our minds beyond it. Her service was concluded with our music minister singing "Because He Lives". Another of my all time favorite hymns. The only way I can face tomorrow without my sweet baby girl, is because I have a Savior that lives, and loves me, and has a PERFECT plan for my life. Because He lives, we can all face tomorrow!!!

At the end of her service, we spent some time talking with our family. It was very hard to feel so much pain and grief, and also to see how several of our family and close friends were grieving our baby girl. Caroline's life was very brief, but every day, I see/hear about more and more ways that she had a positive effect on some one. I am thankful God chose me to be her mommy, and I am even more grateful for the many ways she is making me a better person. After every one left, Rhett and I spent some time alone at her grave, and then we headed home. As we left, I had many emotions. I could not believe I was walking away from my sweet baby girl, but I was also thankful for the closure we were beginning to experience, and for the "new normal" that would develop over the weeks/months to come.

After the service, we had some fellowship time with our family at our house. We enjoyed a great lunch provided by my sweet friend Carrie. Having our family here to support us and celebrate Caroline's life was wonderful. We are so thankful for every one that cared for us and her, and for those who travelled a long way to be with us. Rhett and I decided in the beginning that we just wanted to be alone with our boys after our journey with Caroline was over. Thankfully, our family respected our wishes, and after lunch, every one headed home. We were truly exhausted, but all we wanted was to love on each other and our precious baby boys. I just knew that my sweet boys needed as much normalcy as I could provide, and honestly Rhett and I needed room to breathe. The weeks and months leading up to Caroline's birth and death were filled with so much uncertainty. We were worn out from labor/delivery, and all of the many decisions we made in such a short amount of time, and we welcomed the quietness in our home that afternoon. We knew the emotional rollercoaster was in no way over, but we were ready to embrace the healing and closure that we so desperately needed.


Thank you very much to all of our family and friends for loving us and our precious daughter. It has always been our prayer that she would be a blessing to others, and we are so thankful we were chosen to help full fill her purpose. It is comforting to hear how her story has been a blessing to some one. We are doing really good, and every day gets better. There will never be a day that I do not miss my baby girl, but I know we will see her again. Heaven has always sounded so wonderful and amazing to me, but now it is even sweeter, because I know I will hold and kiss my lovely baby girl again. I hope Heaven is your desire, and Rhett and I are praying for all of the lost souls in this world. I pray that every one can experience the joy in knowing eternal salvation and happiness, that can only come from Jesus Christ! To God be the glory, great things he has done!!!

Caroline Elizabeth Simmons

Caroline Elizabeth


February, 11, 2010


3 pounds, 10 ounces, 16 1/2 inches long


Born at 7:57 AM, welcomed into Heaven at 8:57 AM


I have decided to go ahead and write Caroline's birth story. It will never get any easier to write all of the details down, and I want to be able to remember them, and I know so many people that have been praying for us, want to know exactly what happened. I decided to share this on our blog, because there are so many ways that God made himself evident over the course of her birth, death, and burial, that I want others to see how He always works for the good of those who love Him. From the beginning of our journey with our beautiful precious baby girl, it has been our hope to give God all of the glory in everything with her, and that is what we hope to do.


Last Wednesday, 2/10, we had an appointment with our perinatologist, who has been monitoring Caroline and her condition since 16 weeks. The previous week we had seen my OBGYN, and she was gaining concern over the fact that Caroline's sweet head was measuring full term, 40 weeks, at just 32 1/2 weeks. This was a huge change in her condition, since her head had always measured very small. We talked at length with my fantastic doctor, and she felt that we would deliver no later than 35 weeks, but that we needed to see the specialist. We went to our appt. with our two sweet boys in tow, and were of course looking forward to seeing our sweet girl on the ultrasound. During the ultrasound there were a few other problems that were discovered, and it was confirmed that her head was very large. Our doctor agreed that we needed to have her ASAP.....in no more than a week. Rhett and I were fully expecting this, and while it was very hard, we were glad to have somewhat of an idea as to when she would be born. At this point we were pretty confident we would have a C-section, b/c an induction at 33-34 weeks becomes an ethical issue, and the size of her head was a concern for them. Let me just stop here, and add that one of the things Rhett and I both struggled with over the course of our pregnancy was that at some point it could become difficult to make medical decisions for me and our Caroline. We knew there was a chance that when she was born that medical intervention could benefit her (intubation, certain procedures, IV's, feeding tubes, etc.). We knew that none of these procedures would change her condition, or make her better, but that they could become options in certain situations. As a mother (and nurse), it was very hard for me to say..."NO", we do not want any type of interventions for her......knowing they would not change her prognosis, only keep her alive. It was our prayer over and over that there would be no "gray" areas; that we would have an absolute peace over every situation. I can only sing God's praises over this huge prayer request of ours that was quickly becoming a burden for me, because He took care of all of those "gray" areas for us, and every decision we had to make was truly surrounded with God's peace. There was no better feeling than knowing and feeling the presence of God throughout everything!!


"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus". Philippians 4:7


We left our appointment with hope and peace. We knew from everything seen on the ultrasound, that our sweet Caroline would not be with us long, and the doctor was not very confident that she would survive birth. Another prayer of mine throughout our pregnancy was that we would just be able to hold her alive, and be with her when Jesus called her home. It was hard for me to know that the chances of that happening were very slim, but I still clung to the fact that God was in control, and I had to give all of my worries and concerns to Him. I prayed right there that some how we would hold our living baby girl, and that we could sing to her and love on her for as long as God allowed. I had no idea if this request would be answered, but once again I just felt an overwhelming peace that God was taking care of all of the details.



"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and DO NOT be afraid". John 14:27


Rhett and I thought we would take the boys to the Children's Museum after my appointment, since we knew we would be having Caroline soon, and we did not know how things would be after her birth. We got the boys loaded in the car, and as soon as we left the parking lot, I had a contraction!! About 8 mins. later I had another one, and so on and so on. I just thought they were Braxton Hicks. I had been having them on and off for the last several weeks, but they always went away after a few hours, or rest. We thought about heading to the museum still, but time was an issue, since Rhett had to get back to work, and we were getting hungry, so we changed our plans and headed for lunch (thank goodness) at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants (Wesley LOVES to have chip/dip lunch dates with his sweet Daddy). All through lunch my contractions continued, but I just thought I was tired and stressed about all of the stuff I still wanted to to before Caroline was born. I just kept telling Rhett there was no way this was "It".....I mean how perfect would that be!! After lunch we went home, and Rhett went to work. I was not feeling all that great, but was determined to get our laundry done, finish sweeping/mopping, etc.....just in case. Of course this turned out to be one of the days my sweet boys were far from interested from napping! I think I finally rocked them both to sleep around 2, and they napped together in the recliner.......so precious! By this time my contractions were between 5-8 minutes apart, and getting somewhat stronger, but I still did not think they were anything to be concerned about. As the afternoon went on, I did get my laundry done, between many "contraction breaks". My sweet friend Julie came by to check on us, and it was great to have her company. By about 5 pm, my contractions were 5 minutes or less apart, and I called Rhett to come home......b/c I was getting pretty uncomfortable. Thankfully we serve an AWESOME God, who has had everything planned out from the beginning of our journey, and things could not have been more perfect. My sweet parents were driving home from Indiana from babysitting my nephews for almost 2 weeks. Their plan was to stop by and "get some sugar", and then continue home......I know they were exhausted. I had talked to them several times that afternoon, but chose not to tell them about my contractions, b/c I knew they would be WORRIED. When they walked through our door at 5:45, they could tell something was wrong. I told them I was having contractions, but it was probably nothing, but they might want to consider spending the night with us....just in case. Rhett thought much differently than I did, and said y'all definitely need to stay, b/c I am pretty sure she is in labor. I was still not convinced, because it just seemed too perfect that I would go into labor the day of my doctor appt., when we found out that we need to have her ASAP......but looking back God was in control and had every little detail worked out. Things could not have been any more perfect, from contractions starting pretty much when we left the doctors office, to my parents driving through that night, to getting my laundry done :)! Rhett finally convinced me to call the doctor on call, and get his opinion. I was sad that my regular doctor was not on call, but the doctor we had was great! He told me to take some Tylenol, drink lots of water, take a hot bath, and if things did not improve, to call him back in an hour. I did what he said, although I was hoping something would help, I was pretty sure it would not. So in that hour, I packed a bag, there were so many things to remember, since this was not a typical birth. I just thought I had more time, so I was feeling pretty overwhelmed. I was in no way prepared to leave my boys, and I was feeling anxious about that.....I had never been away from Davis in 16 months, and only two times with Wesley. I knew they were in fantastic hands with my parents, and we would not have wanted them anywhere else, but it was still tough to leave them. Needless to say, my contractions did not improve, and were now about 3 minutes apart. I called the doctor back, and he said to head to the hospital. I remember feeling excited that this could be it.....but still shocked that it was NOW, and not at all how we thought it was going to happen. God's plan is always so perfect, even when we don't realize it!


"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future". Jeremiah 29:11


This verse in Jeremiah was the verse that came to my mind immediately when we found out about Caroline's diagnosis at 16 weeks, and it has been such an inspiration for me throughout our pregnancy with her. God's plan was/is perfect for us and our sweet Caroline, and it was just amazing to see Him fulfilling His plan.


When we got to the hospital, there were women in labor everywhere! I guess it was the night for babies! As Rhett and I sat in the waiting room waiting to be called back, there were several people who wanted to ask us questions, they had no idea what we were facing, and assumed we were there to have a healthy baby. It was hard to not ignore these "overly interested" people, but God put words in my mouth, and just handled a "tough" situation. Thankfully, we were called back pretty quickly. By the time we got the hospital, checked in, it was about 10 PM. The nurses confirmed that I was most definitely in labor, and that we should plan to stay the night. Rhett and I had not discussed much about the fact that we would prob. be having a c-section that night, we just thought that since I was in "labor" we would go with it. Once the doctor came in, we realized that his recommendation was to go ahead with the c-section, at around 11 that night. The main reason was that at 33 1/2 weeks, labor is typically stopped, not allowed to progress. He was very kind, but shared that he would not be able to give me pitocin to speed labor/contractions along (since I have had a previous section), or break my water......mostly because this would become an ethical issue......since I was not full term. All along the doctors treating us had hoped that I would just go into labor.....to avoid any ethical issues.....just not at 33 1/2 weeks. Since I was in labor, and we knew the recommendation of the specialist was to deliver within the next week, he was definitely recommending a section.....and this would not "create" any ethical issues. The doctor treating us was great, and he was in constant contact with my OBGYN. I can not express the overwhelming stress and heaviness I felt when we were faced with the decision to have the section late that night, or wait and see what happens...fully knowing that labor could stop and we would be sent home. Tears began to fall, and I literally could not catch my breath. I looked at Rhett, and I could tell he did not know what to do either. All I wanted to do was call every one I knew and get their opinion......at like 11:30 at night. But, deep down, I knew what we were supposed to do. I can say for sure, God was speaking to me. I felt as though I could not breath, and I knew He was telling me that He had a plan, and for us to just let go, and let Him be in control. I looked at Rhett again, and said...."No c-section", and he said "I agree". Thankfully, the doctor was very kind, and understanding, and he said he would respect our wishes. He originally said he would not be able to break my water or anything, but once he did an exam....he changed his mind. He realized that I really was in labor and had a good chance of having her soon, so he broke my water, and we were well on our way. I have to add here that our amazing preacher was at the hospital with us until about 1 AM.....he is such a Godly man, and Rhett and I are so thankful he was there to pray with us, and just minister to us. He truly has been wonderful throughout our entire journey. The night progressed with absolutely no sleep or rest....and no food. Ice chips are good, but you can only have a few.....so I was quickly becoming mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. My contractions were so strong and about every 90 seconds......much worse than when I was induced with Davis. I wanted to make it as far as I could without an epidural, not to be a hero (as some people suggested), but to just let my body work naturally. At about 3:30 AM, I realized how tired and exhausted I would be if I continued, and my body needed to rest. So, much to Rhett's happiness, I got my epidural around 4, and was quickly able to rest, no sleep, but rest and lots of prayer.....just what I needed. My night nurse was so kind, and she sat on my bed for a while and we just talked, and she said she had been praying for us and Caroline, and would continue to. I now realize what an impact our precious little girl had on her, because she had never experienced anything like our situation before, and she shared with me how grateful she was to be a part of our experience. At about 5, I was about 8 cm, and they predicted we would have a baby in a "few" hours. I just could not believe that this was really it, and that we would soon be meeting our precious little angel baby. Rhett and I were so excited to meet her, but so scared and worried for our sweet baby. We just prayed that she would be peaceful and experience absolutely no suffering or pain. I just remember praying for her and thanking God for her. I knew that she was not "perfect" in the world's eyes, but that she was beyond perfect in God's eyes, and she just like my precious boys, would be perfect to us.


" For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place,

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be".

Psalm 139:13-16


This verse was also so special to me throughout my pregnancy with Caroline. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Caroline was no mistake, that God carefully formed her exactly the way He wanted her to be, and that although I do not, and will never understand why he chose this life for her, HE..God ordained it, and she just like all babies are gifts from heaven, no matter how perfect they may or may not be in the world's eyes. I knew my sweet little girl was going to be absolutely beautiful, and the fact that God created her so carefully and with so much love, gave me such a peace in a very hard time.


I remember starting to feel just really weird about 6. I thought I was just getting anxious, but when my legs started tingling and my heart started racing....I got a little scared. I finally called my nurse about 6:45, and they quickly realized that it was time! Rhett and I were ready to meet our daughter. God was at work behind the scenes the whole time. I started pushing around 7, and my regular OBGYN got to the hospital about 7:20. Praise God I was stubborn and did not call them to come and check me at 6......because our wish of our regular doctor delivering Caroline would have never come true. While we were happy with the doctor we had, we were so relieved to see our sweet regular doctor. She has been amazing throughout our entire experience, and it meant so much for her to cancel half of her morning clinic to just be with us. I think I pushed for less than an hour, and Caroline was born. It was surreal, and so different than anything I could have imagined. Normally, you hear lots of commotion and crying when babies are born. My room was quiet, and we heard our doctor say..."Hello sweet angel, we are so happy to meet you precious Caroline". I knew I would probably not hear her cry or make any noise, and we did not. Looking back it hurts my heart to know that I never heard my precious baby's voice, but I am so thankful for the peaceful atmosphere surrounding her birth. Caroline was quickly placed on my chest, and Rhett and I just marveled at our beautiful daughter. She was so tiny, with the longest fingers and toes. Other than her amazingly beautiful cleft lip, her little body was perfect. I remember just cradling her in my arms, and trying to sing "Jesus Love Me" (I sang this to her everyday she was in my belly), but I could not get it out. Rhett and I were able to surround her with our love and kisses, as her short life on this earth quickly faded. I will never forget the look on my wonderful husbands face as he held our baby girl. He was/is one proud Daddy, and we both are better for having met Caroline. My doctor grabbed our camera, and started snapping pictures for us........that is a gift that I will always treasure. She was able to capture those first few moments we had with Caroline, and we can always look back and remember the special time we had with her. The hour Caroline lived passed quickly, and I was holding her when she went to meet Jesus. I don't know how I knew the moment it happened, but I did, and she was so peaceful. It will forever be etched in my heart and mind, the moment she saw her Savior, her Creator. I looked at Rhett and we just kissed her and loved her, and thanked God for her. Giving birth to my baby girl was amazing, and it is a day I will never forget. Letting her go to be with Jesus was the hardest thing I will ever do, and my heart longs to hold her and kiss her just one more time. But, I know that she is resting in the arms of Jesus, dancing with the angels, she is whole and complete, she is healthy and happy......things that she could have never done with her earthly body.




The rest of the day was filled with family coming to see her. Rhett and I chose to just have our boys there, with my parents, and also his parents. It was hard enough to share her with them, and we just felt it was better for us to limit our visitors. Wesley was/is so in love with his baby sister. I had no idea how he would handle everything, but he did amazingly. He wanted to hold her, and just kissed her and rubbed her tiny face. He truly loves his sister. He knew that she was going to go live in Heaven with Jesus, and he said several times...."Caroline is happy now, mama?". My precious friend Carrie was there for part of her birth, and she was able to meet Caroline as well. Carrie was with me when I found out about Caroline's diagnosis (Rhett was out of town), and I am so glad my best friend was able to meet and hold my precious daughter. Our preacher also came by that morning, right after Caroline passed away. We were so thankful to have him there to pray over her.



The rest of the day we had our sweet baby girl with us, as we waited for the photographer from Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. This a service that will always be dear to my heart. Having professional photographs that captured our sorrow and joy, will forever be very special to us. In the time waiting on the photographer, we did several things with our precious baby. We made a Christmas ornament with her hand/foot prints. We also had her footprints stamped in my Bible. We gaver her her first bath, and dressed her in the beautiful white smocked dress we had brought for her. We were able to put her precious little smocked bonnet on her head as well. Rhett's grandmother knitted Caroline a gorgeous white blanket, and we chose to swaddle her in that, with her rabbit. She was absolutely beautiful all wrapped up, and we just laid on the bed and stared at her, trying to take every little detail in. As the afternoon came to a close, we were facing the most difficult task of the day. We had our precious time with our angel, but it was time to say our final goodbyes, and hand her over to the funeral home. I do not think Rhett and I were fully prepared for this.......honestly it was something I had not really thought about. Although we knew Caroline was not there with us, it was still very hard to hand her over to a stranger, knowing that was the last time we would see her on this earth. I can tell you that at the moment that sweet lady walked out of my room with my baby, I felt completely empty. She had just taken a precious piece of us with her, and we were devastated. That is a feeling that you can never imagine; it is truly gut-wrenching. Here is where I was once again reminded of what an amazing husband I have. He held me in his arms and cried with me, and prayed for us as a couple and family. This is a moment that neither of us will ever forget, and that will forever be engrained in our memory.



Thankfully, I was doing well enough, just eight hours after delivery to leave the hospital. My doctor left the decision up to me, but she was comfortable with it, and we decided to leave. I knew how many things we had to get done on Friday, to prepare for Caroline's memorial and burial, on Saturday (that will have to be another post). It was bittersweet to leave the hospital. My whole pregnancy I could not imagine how it would feel to leave empty handed...without our baby. Thankfully we had a peace and calmness that only came from God. As difficult as the whole day was, it was joyful as well. In one day we said hello to our beautiful precious baby daughter, and we also said goodbye to her. We had closure to a journey that has changed us forever.....for the better. Her life on earth was very brief, but it mattered. I am so thankful to have witnessed first hand how God used the 20 hours of labor/delivery/life/death of our baby girl to affect those she came in contact with. I will never understand why God had this plan for us and our Caroline, but I will forever be grateful for what He and she taught me during our journey. To God Be the Glory!!



"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the Heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows". James 1:17

Funny Wesley

Since I try and use this blog to record funny things my sweet kiddos say and do, I figure I should write this one down. Yesterday, Wesley and I were praying, and very sincerely he said:

"Dear God, Oh Lord, thank you for Mommy, Daddy, Davis, and everyone. Thank you, oh God, for Jesus. Thank you for baby sister Caroline, in Mommy's BIG belly. Dear God thank you so much for snow, and snow ice cream, it is so delicious. And God, thank you for lots of coke and chips. The end, Amen!"

This child is so stinkin' funny and he just melts my heart. He truly prays what is on his little mind, and while I think it is super funny and precious, it reminds me of how honest we are supposed to be with God....truly tell Him what is on your mind and in your heart (He already knows anyway). So thank you my sweet precious Wesley for making me laugh, and reminding me in such a sweet simple way how to talk to God! I just love and treasure the sweet little ways God uses my babies to put so many things into perspective........thank you God for my wonderful and amazing children.....all THREE of them!!

"Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from Him". Psalm 127:3

Precious Loves

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE My precious and amazing people!! They are the best, and are my precious loves!

Sweet Caroline

I do not know why I have hesitated to post this update on Caroline, but for some reason it has been really hard for me to sit down and write about her. There are so many sweet family members and friends who are truly concerned for us, and are lifting us up in prayer daily, and for that we are soooo very grateful! Your sweet cards, emails, messages, and texts have meant so much to us over the last several months. Dealing with Caroline's prognosis is by no means easy, and my heart breaks for my precious baby girl, but we are taking everything one day at a time. The fact that God has a plan for her, He has from the beginning, and the assurance that he makes no mistakes, is helping us tremendously. I am treasuring every moment of my pregnancy with her! She is a very active baby, and is always on the move.


We had a cardiac echo last week.....a procedure that allowed the specialist to look in greater detail at her heart. Unfortunately we did find out that she does have some significant cardiac anomalies. Basically there is a large hole between two of the chambers of her heart, and two of the major vessels in her heart are reversed; which will eventually lead to an insufficient amount of oxygenated blood in her body....making breathing impossible for her. In a "normal" baby this would be a complication that would be treated with surgery, at some point after birth. The main concern I have had is that I do not want her to in any way suffer. My sweet doctor explained how death typically occurs in babies with conditions similar to hers, and she assured me that they typically just drift off to sleep.....no pain or suffering. What a relief to hear! We could demand surgery for Caroline, but after much prayer and talking, we are not making that choice for her. We know that with her brain malformation alone, her prognosis is very poor, and we have chosen to do nothing "selfish" and try and postpone the inevitable. We know that God has her precious life in His hands, although we do not know why He has chosen this for our family, we are trusting that He will provide all we need. The doctors can "predict" how long she can live with this condition, but our doctors have been honest...saying they really do not know, and admit they are not God, and DO NOT want to guess. We know that she will probably not survive for more than a few days to weeks this way. As difficult and heartbreaking as this news is, it is somehow peaceful. We have known for several months now about her diagnosis, but not knowing what to expect has been the hardest thing to deal with. Having somewhat of an idea about the length of her lifespan has given us peace over the "what-ifs".

It is our prayer that we can surround sweet Caroline with happiness, peace and love for the length of her life. We want her to feel the joy we have for her, and know that we love her. It is hard for me to picture how the days in the hospital will be, and if we do come home with her for a short time, but I do know that I want to have every opportunity to love on my baby girl. We are greatly saddened and heartbroken for our sweet Caroline, but it is our desire that her days here on earth will be filled with happiness and smiles, not sadness and tears. We want to rejoice in her precious life, and the amazing gift that she is. It is our prayer that we can be with our little angel when she is welcomed into Heaven. Rhett and I are talking a lot about what we want to happen at the hospital, how we will handle family and visitors. We have so many decisions to make, and we just ask that you pray for us to have sound judgement and clarity when making all of these difficult decisions.

The good news is that she is now head down, and is swallowing like a "normal" baby. Apparently these are two things that are uncommon with babies with her diagnosis. The fact that she is head down is great news, as we are hoping to not have another c-section. When babies are not swallowing well, the amniotic fluid greatly increases, putting the mom at risk for excessive amniotic fluid. This causes a lot of discomfort for the mom, as well as elevated blood pressure, etc. Thankfully, we are not being faced with any of theses situations!

It would be super easy for us to just be mad, angry, and have a major pity party. This Christmas season, I am daily reminded of how blessed we are. Just last night Rhett and I were talking about blessings and the many wonderful things God has given us. I started thinking, and we both agree that there are probably a lot of people that would choose to be in our shoes, other than the situation they are in. As hard and trying as this is for us, there are so many other people in this world who are suffering much greater than we are. I am so thankful to our God for blessing us with an amazing marriage, fabulous children, a strong faith, and hope for the future. Don't forget to thank God for all you have been given, when you start to think about it..............it is so much, and can put so many things into perspective. We hope your Christmas is very Merry, and let us all remember the reason we celebrate CHRISTmas!!

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit".

Romans 15:13

Fantastic Charity!

If you are looking for an amazing organization to donate to this Christmas season......we have the perfect place!! Almost 3 years ago, we were greatly blessed with the adoption of our precious Wesley! He was hand picked by God for our family............and as always, it has been PERFECTLY WONDERFUL! He is an amazing little boy, and truly brings us so much happiness and joy. He lived in an orphanage, Eagle's Nest, in Guatemala, for the first six months of his life. Unlike a lot of orphanages, Eagle's Nest is a great place. They absolutely love the sweet babies and children there and they provide wonderful care for all of these precious children. Rhett and I will forever be grateful to them for taking such amazing care of our sweet little boy, and for loving him when we could not. I remember like it was yesterday, the first time we met him, and were able to hold him. It is because of the fabulous care from the staff and nannies there, that Wesley was so healthy, and adjusted so well to us. We could tell how much the sweet nannies really loved him, and that warmed our hearts! Unfortunately, due to the legal systems, adoptions in Guatemala have stopped, but there are still many children there that need homes. It is because of great places like Eagle's Nest, that these children have a place to call home. We all know how expensive raising children can be, and it is no different for Eagle's Nest. I know it would be a huge blessing to them and the precious little ones there if we could all donate this Christmas Season. Christmas is about giving.....that is what God did for us, He gave us His Son to save us! Join us in helping to save the sweet children still without loving parents and homes!!`There is a link to Eagle's Nest on the top right side of our blog. Thanks to any of you who are able to donate to them, if monetary donations are not possible, please pray for them and all of the sweet precious children! THANK YOU!!

So Long!

It has been a long time since I posted anything!! We have been busy around here!

We had a great Thanksgiving week! We travelled to my parents last Wednesday night, and we were all so glad to be out of the car!! Davis has always had ENOUGH when we have about 30 minutes to go, so I spent the majority of that time turned around in my seat, feeding him snacks, and trying anything to make him happy (very safe, I know!). Wesley travelled really well, and was super excited to watch his new Thomas and Diego Christmas movies, SEVERAL times!! We went to Rhett's parents Thursday morning, and had a great Thanksgiving Day lunch with his family. We enjoyed getting to visit with every one, and Wesley and Davis had a fun time with all of their cousins. Wesley even decided to take a swim in their goldfish pond......always an adventure! We went back to my parents that afternoon for a Thanksgiving Day Dinner! Again we enjoyed a fantastic meal prepared by my mom, and had so much fun with my brothers and their families. Wesley and his cousin Maxwell played non-stop! We originally planned to stay until Saturday, and were going to fun Christmas light display with my parents, but sweet baby Davis started running fever late Thursday afternoon. So, we headed home early Friday, in order to see our pediatrician that afternoon. Thankfully he has just had a bad sinus infection, and after four days is FINALLY feeling better! We had a quick trip, but we had a wonderful time with each of our families.

In spite of everything, we know how much we have to be thankful for. God has richly blessed our sweet family, and continues to do so daily. Even through all of the struggles, pain, sadness, and fear, HE provides for us more than we could ever deserve, and we are SO VERY THANKFUL! With each day that passes, we realize even more how much we have been given, and we praise God for that! We are so blessed with: salvation, faith, forgiveness, freedom, a wonderful marriage, health, family, friends, a nice home, food to eat, our precious boys, our journey with sweet Caroline, and trials that make us stronger. God is GOOD ALL OF THE TIME!!

We are now in full Christmas mode at our house! All of our decorations are up, and I LOVE IT! Thanksgiving and Christmas are my most favorite times of the year! Wesley and Davis had so much fun "helping" us decorate the trees, and we had a blast decorating with them. Davis loves "un-decorating" the trees, and Wesley is ever so helpful to tell him how that is not right, and is a big "no-no"! I frequently hear from Wesley..."I think Davis has an urnament, mama,.....and he always does!!" I love it; they are so funny!! You will see in the pictures below, that they had the most fun on the ladder with their daddy, and yes I do realize how "un-safe" it was, but their Daddy promised me they would not fall! For those of you who know my sweet boys, you know how much they love to climb, so this was right up their ally! They make everything so magical! We are truly a blessed family

!