Thursday, October 29, 2009


These are the verses that I have been repeating these last few days, and my sweet precious Wesley is learning them too...........what a blessing!!

"Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again REJOICE!! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, by prayer and petition, with THANKSGIVING, present your request to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts, and your minds in Christ Jesus".

Philippians 4:4-7

It is not hard to rejoice in this storm we are having. We have so many things to be thankful for. I am rejoicing in the fact that I have a Saviour who loves me so much, and cares for me, that He is giving me an un-explainable peace. So many people do not understand why we are really okay, when we say we are okay. It is not a front, it is not fake. I am okay, because I get my hope and my strength from my heavenly father. In the beginning of this journey (and it still is), my prayer was for peace and comfort. God is daily providing that for me. I have a huge peace in knowing that the life of my sweet precious Caroline is in his perfect hands. God loves her so much more than we ever could, and He will hold her in his arms every day and love her for me. I have peace in the fact that when she does go to Heaven, she will be made whole, never suffer, never be in pain, and will have an eternity of happiness. What a joy, as her mommy, to know that she will FOREVER be happy and healthy!!

I also rejoice in the fact that we have such a wonderful support system. Our family, friends, church family, and people we do not know that well, have shown a tremendous amount of love and support for us. We are so grateful for all of the prayers on our behalf and our sweet little Caroline's----prayer is the best thing any one can do for us! Thanks to all of you who are praying for us, we definitely feel it!!

My wonderful boys bring me so much joy and happiness! I thank God for them, and although they do not know it, their sweet smiles, beautiful little faces, contagious laughs, big hugs and sticky kisses are tremendously helping me. When my mind does drift months from now, and I think about the things with Caroline that won't be, they help me. I know God is using them to help us make it through the toughest times. What a gift God has blessed us with in our amazing little boys!

I will admit, I am anxious, and it is a daily struggle not to be. I am anxious to hear the official results of our amniocentesis. I am also anxious about the unknown. Will I carry her to term, how her birth will be, will she survive birth, how long will she live, where will we bury her, how will we tell Wesley and Davis??? All of the unknowns are constantly running through my mind. Fortunately, I do not have anxiety from this, but I am anxious to know the answers. I have searched the internet for other cases like Caroline's, asked my awesome doctors their opinions, but I know there is only ONE who knows the answers. God has so gently reminded me this week, that He has a plan. It is not for me to know, or worry about, it is my job to cling to Him, present my requests to Him, and He will give me a peace in everything! He has already provided such peace for Rhett and me. I know I have to give all of the "what-ifs" to Him, and that I am in control of NOTHING! Rhett and I say all of the time, as sad as we are about our Caroline, not knowing what to expect is the hardest part. This is my test of faith, to truly let go, and give it all to God. So, I am going to ask that you join us in praying for peace over the "what-ifs", that I can just give it over to God, and let him be in control of EVERYTHING!

Again, thanks to every one for caring about us and our precious little family! God has blessed us so much, and is providing for us daily!

Monday, October 26, 2009

New Blog

Okay, so here is our new blog! Hopefully I will do a better job at updating this one! We have many upcoming changes at our house, so we needed a new blog to go along with all of our changes! This will be the EASIEST way for me to keep our family and friends updated over the next several months.

First, we will no longer be a family of boys....our upcoming arrival is a GIRL! We are thrilled to be adding sweet baby girl, Caroline Elizabeth, to our home, and are praising God for the road He has chosen for us. We do not understand everything about the journey God has planned for Caroline and us, but we are embracing His plan for each of us, and seeking to give Him the glory He deserves.

Now, I am sure I have confused a lot of you, so I will start from the beginning. When Rhett and I found out this past July, that we were expecting baby # 3, we were thrilled, SHOCKED, but thrilled. Davis was a mere 9 months old, and still breastfeeding, when we saw those two beautiful pink lines at 4 AM, but we were so excited, and just could not stop laughing! We were positive we wanted more children, so adding a new baby was fabulous news for us! The next four months would go by without any problems, a little nausea here and there, but nothing to really complain about. I absolutely LOVE being pregnant, and fortunately God has blessed me with "easy" pregnancies. When I went for my regular 16 week checkup, on October 15th, I had no idea how my very "normal/easy" pregnancy would soon change. Rhett was out of town (something that never happens), and my mom came to keep the boys for my appointment. I had plans to go and do some Christmas shopping after my appt., you know, have a little ME time! My appt. with my wonderful doctor was uneventful, and everything was great! I decided to go ahead and get the H1N1 vaccine. As I was waiting for the required 15 minute stay after the shot, the sonographer asked me if I wanted her to take a peek, and see if we could confirm pink or blue! Well, of course I said YES.....we could not wait to find out what our precious new baby was! During the ultrasound our sweet little one was very un-cooperative! She did some measurements, and noticed her head was a little small. She ran it by my doctor, who thought it best that I go and see a maternal/fetal medicine doc.......RIGHT AWAY! I was SCARED, and WORRIED, and ALONE! I thought about just being really brave, and doing it all by myself, but I was really scared for my sweet baby. I called my best friend, and asked her to start praying, and she immediately left her very busy job, and came to meet me. I am so grateful for my dear friend Carrie, and all of the love and support she has given me. I am so thankful for her and her sweet family! They were with us through our adoption journey with Wesley, our pregnancy with Davis, and now this journey with our sweet baby Caroline.

As I was leaving my OBGYN, I immediately called Rhett (in Oregon). I could not figure out how to tell him that our sweet baby could possibly have something terribly wrong. I knew he would feel completely helpless, since he was all the way across the country. I told him what I knew so far, and his words to me were, " No matter what, we will be okay". I am praying for you and our baby right now. Call me as soon as you can". I am so blessed to have such a wonderful Godly husband, and father for my children. I was scared to death, but also worried for him, because I knew he just wanted to be there with me. The ride to the maternal/fetal doctor was long and I was SCARED, have I told y'all I was SCARED, and SHOCKED!! Sweet Carrie was there with me, and did all she could to give me support, and courage while we waited for OVER an hour to see the doctor.............that was a really long hour! Rhett called several times during the wait, and it was wonderful to be able to talk to him.

The next few hours sort of run together. I had an ultrasound, and saw our precious baby girl, and her very normal body. When the sonographer got to her head, that is where the problems were. Basically in early gestation, like weeks 3-4, parts of her brain failed to separate and develop normally. So, while her body measures right on time, her head measures about 1 1/2 - 2 weeks smaller. This is not something that will change, or get better, and may possibly get worse. She does have some parts of her brain that are normal, but the majority of her brain is not correctly formed, thus leading to the words no parent ever wants to hear "incompatible with life". Hearing those very grim and hopeless words is the hardest thing I have ever had to endure, and then telling my sweet husband was even harder. Rhett handled it so well, and was such a huge support for me, even over the phone. He spent the next 12 hours changing his flights, rushing to make flights, and flying all night, so he could be home with me. I hated for him to have to cut his trip short, but I was so thankful he was on his way home. Once again, I am so very thankful for my best friend, Carrie. She was by my side the entire time, throughout the ultrasound, talking with the doctor, and she is still walking this journey with us. I don't know how I will ever thank her for rubbing my head, holding my hand, and experiencing this storm with me. She is awesome, and such a blessing from God.

While I liked the specialist I saw, he was not very encouraging. He really wanted me to go ahead with an amniocentesis, to check for chromosomal abnormalities, that very day, at like 6 at night. We are pretty sure his choice of treatment for us and our precious Caroline is: medical termination. I had just heard the most terrifying thing about our sweet baby girl, and now he is telling me that "killing" her would be the best thing for me, that we could get on with life faster. I was shocked, and could only say the first thing that came to mind (thank God), "I am a Christian, and that is not an option for me". He said he understood, and that they would support whatever decision we ultimately chose to make. I decided to wait and do the amnio once Rhett was home, and could go with me. I left that clinic that day terribly sad and scared, but with a peace that could only have come from my heavenly Father. This is the verse that popped into my head,

" For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".--Jeremiah 29:11

With that wonderful and encouraging verse running through my head, I left the clinic, and headed home. I thought about God's words as I drove home, and prayed to God for peace and comfort. I had no idea how I would handle the days and months to come, but I knew the only way was to cling to God, and rest in his grace and peace. I know that God does everything for our good, and that he has a plan for us that is so much better than anything we could ever imagine. I want God to be glorified through our sweet baby girl and her life. I decided that while this was the saddest thing I have ever endured, I had a choice. I could either be depressed, mad, angry, question God's reasoning, isolate myself from family/friends/reality, and just give up---or I could rejoice in the fact that God chose this path for us, our family, our baby girl, give Him all of the honor and glory he deserves, and be so thankful that I will look back and see how He carried me through this. I chose the later. No matter how terrible this storm is, and how sad and scared I am, I am still a wife, mommy to the two most wonderful little boys, daughter, sister, friend, and mostly child of God. I know there will be some really tough days (there have been many), and there will be some days that are easier. I am reminded constantly that God understands what we are going through, he lost his baby boy-----to save the world from their sins!!!

It is our hope and prayer that no one feels sorry for us. We do not feel sorry for ourselves, we are extremely sad that our little girl will have such a short life, but we know that God will bring much good out of this. We are putting our hope and faith in our God, and we have the ultimate peace that He will provide for us, and carry us every step of the way. We are focusing on our pregnancy, and enjoying every moment we are given with precious Caroline. I talk to her, read to her, and treat her just like I would any baby in my belly. Rhett and I are joyfully looking forward to meeting her. We are striving to create as much normalcy for our sweet boys as we can, and also include them in the joy of their baby sister. Please join us in prayer for our family, our precious angel Caroline and the road that awaits us.

"But my God shall supply all your needs, according to His riches in Glory, by Christ Jesus!!!"
Philippians 4:19