"Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again REJOICE!! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, by prayer and petition, with THANKSGIVING, present your request to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts, and your minds in Christ Jesus".
It is not hard to rejoice in this storm we are having. We have so many things to be thankful for. I am rejoicing in the fact that I have a Saviour who loves me so much, and cares for me, that He is giving me an un-explainable peace. So many people do not understand why we are really okay, when we say we are okay. It is not a front, it is not fake. I am okay, because I get my hope and my strength from my heavenly father. In the beginning of this journey (and it still is), my prayer was for peace and comfort. God is daily providing that for me. I have a huge peace in knowing that the life of my sweet precious Caroline is in his perfect hands. God loves her so much more than we ever could, and He will hold her in his arms every day and love her for me. I have peace in the fact that when she does go to Heaven, she will be made whole, never suffer, never be in pain, and will have an eternity of happiness. What a joy, as her mommy, to know that she will FOREVER be happy and healthy!!
I also rejoice in the fact that we have such a wonderful support system. Our family, friends, church family, and people we do not know that well, have shown a tremendous amount of love and support for us. We are so grateful for all of the prayers on our behalf and our sweet little Caroline's----prayer is the best thing any one can do for us! Thanks to all of you who are praying for us, we definitely feel it!!
My wonderful boys bring me so much joy and happiness! I thank God for them, and although they do not know it, their sweet smiles, beautiful little faces, contagious laughs, big hugs and sticky kisses are tremendously helping me. When my mind does drift months from now, and I think about the things with Caroline that won't be, they help me. I know God is using them to help us make it through the toughest times. What a gift God has blessed us with in our amazing little boys!
I will admit, I am anxious, and it is a daily struggle not to be. I am anxious to hear the official results of our amniocentesis. I am also anxious about the unknown. Will I carry her to term, how her birth will be, will she survive birth, how long will she live, where will we bury her, how will we tell Wesley and Davis??? All of the unknowns are constantly running through my mind. Fortunately, I do not have anxiety from this, but I am anxious to know the answers. I have searched the internet for other cases like Caroline's, asked my awesome doctors their opinions, but I know there is only ONE who knows the answers. God has so gently reminded me this week, that He has a plan. It is not for me to know, or worry about, it is my job to cling to Him, present my requests to Him, and He will give me a peace in everything! He has already provided such peace for Rhett and me. I know I have to give all of the "what-ifs" to Him, and that I am in control of NOTHING! Rhett and I say all of the time, as sad as we are about our Caroline, not knowing what to expect is the hardest part. This is my test of faith, to truly let go, and give it all to God. So, I am going to ask that you join us in praying for peace over the "what-ifs", that I can just give it over to God, and let him be in control of EVERYTHING!
Again, thanks to every one for caring about us and our precious little family! God has blessed us so much, and is providing for us daily!